CHAPTER TWENTY

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AUTUMN


We take Liam's body into the forest. Haley produces a spark, and we create a fire to cremate him with. The flames illuminate the woods and the smoke rises into the air, giving away our position, but I couldn't care less.

The five of us stand around his burning body, heads dipped in respect. No one speaks. Haley is crying, quietly, but I am not. I feel sadness at Liam's death, but there is not nearly as much sorrow in my heart as there is anger. Fury. Rage.

Liam did nothing wrong. He was just an innocent city boy who chose to come with us, chose to join us, and this is what happens to him. This is what they've done to him. It's the first time I've watched a friend die, but I somehow know it won't be the last.

"It's my fault." The words escape my lips before I'm even aware of what I'm saying. Yet, as soon as I say them, I know it's true. "I should have stopped him from coming. I knew it was too dangerous for him. He'd have listened to me."

"It's not your fault," Todd answers beside me, his voice low but fierce. "You had no control over this. Don't you dare blame yourself. You weren't the one who put the bullets in his body."

Suddenly, it's getting hard to breathe. My chest is tight and my eyes are burning. "I might as well have." My voice is barely louder than a whisper.

Todd says nothing, his eyes locked on the fire. The flames cast shadows that dance across the tree trunks.

No one speaks again until the fire is gone and Liam's body is reduced to ashes, sizzling among the shifting embers. Tessa finally breaks the silence. "We should keep moving. They'll be sending people after us by now."

Haley scatters the ashes and embers while the rest of us gather up our things. Quietly, we file away, into the forest. I can't stop thinking of Liam, how he kept a cool head when we were captured, managing to even have a sense of humor; how easily he accepted that we were genetic anomalies; how excited he was to come with us when coming with us turned out to be his downfall.

He seems so alive in my memory. But everything about him is nothing more than a memory now.

My mind wanders to the two Karaton that I killed. They were people, too. People with friends, personalities, senses of humor; just like Liam. I murdered them as mercilessly as they did him. I would have taken down the third one as well had Todd not stopped me.

I thought I was prepared to kill. I've hunted animals, struck down Banniks. But I wasn't even close to being prepared to kill humans. I don't think I'll ever be. And yet, I already have the blood of two people on my hands.

What would Noah think of me?

Noah.

I'm going to see him again in just a few hours. Funny, it's only been two days, but it feels like it's been weeks, months. Years. I can't stop thinking about how strange it is that I've had an experience, an adventure of sorts that Noah hasn't had. I've been inside the city, been held prisoner in Karaton base. Noah hasn't.

I've seen a friend die before my very eyes. I've killed people.

Noah hasn't.

I feel... changed. Like I've become a slightly different person.

Returning to camp, I won't be the same Autumn Stone who set out for the city a few days ago, and Noah will know that as soon as he sees me.

Tessa walks closer to me. "You okay?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think so. I'm just thinking about... well, about everything, I guess. I can't get it off my mind."

Her face softens. "Me neither." She casts a glance over her shoulder at the trees where we cremated Liam. "I barely even knew him, but he seemed like a really good guy."

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