Paradise Hotel: Book One • jb (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 29

*JUSTIN'S POV*

I couldn't sleep. I tried, tried and tried. There's no way I could close my eyes. All I see is her confused yet beautiful face. Like a puppy. And I've never felt so much guilt in my entire life.

I should just tell her. "Diana. We were friends when we were younger."

It's not that hard, right? Yet I can't speak the words. Every time I try, I regret it and immediately close my mouth or say something else. Some other stupid things. 

"Diana, I was in love with you. I still am." 

My brain makes it look so easy. Just to say those words. But I know those are the words that are going to change everything. I don't know how she's going to react. It might be positive, it might be negative. My mind keeps telling me it's going to be negative, and that I can't take the risk of losing her. But what exactly is going to be negative? What is she going to do? What's the worst that could happen?

A lot.

My biggest fear is to lose her. It has already happened once. I'm not going to let it happen again. We weren't necessarily too young. I was thirteenth, she was twelve.

I tried to close my eyes again. Her young beautiful features popping up once more.

"Justin!" Her giggles could be heard from thousand miles away. "Stop," I didn't stop. Tickling her was one of my favorite things in the world, because when she's had a rough day, it'll always bring her smile back. 

I laughed as I continued, "Say you love me."

"No," She protested while her giggles filled my ears. "I won't say it."

"Then I guess you love this," I smirked and tickled her again. She squirmed underneath me while laughing, repeatedly begging me to stop. "Say it." She shook her head and put her arms above her head, which I caught onto. I took her hands and held her firmly still. 

Our eyes met and we both calmed down our breaths while staring at each other. Her eyes were blueish. Sometimes they were grey, sometimes crystalized blue and sometimes green. It depended on what mood she's in. They're grey if she's bored or exhausted, blue if she's happy and green is she's excited. I've always been very fascinated by her eyes. I want eyes like that too. I'm stuck with my ugly brown ones. Although Diana says she loves them. 

"Fuck." I mumbled for myself. I need to stop. Sleep, Justin. I groaned at myself, seeing Diana's body beside of me. Her quiet and calm breathing, in and out. Even when she's sleeping she looked like an angel. I should tell her. I need to tell her, before she hears it from anyone else. There's not many people who knows. I wonder what her family would say if she goes home and they see her with me again. 

They're the reason why she's not mine anymore. 

The day. That one snowy day in Stratford. The day that changed everything. It kept replaying in my head, over and over. It hasn't stopped. It's been haunting me since the incident itself. I know Diana can't remember it anymore, but hell I do. I never stop thinking about it. 

"Diana," I called after her as we jumped down the tiny snow mountain that we've been playing on for a quite long while now. It was this years first snow. Diana loves snow, she always tells me it's the skies way of showing happiness. I never understood what she meant. Diana has always been very mysterious and deep, but it has only made me more interested in her. "Wait on me!"

"You can't catch me, na na na na na na," She poked out her tongue at me which made me chuckle. I saw her run a little bit further down. "Try and catch me, Bieber." She giggled.