No Matter What (Jaspar AU)

1. Truth

Joe Sugg
I have always known I was gay. Well only really since I actually knew what gay was. But before that I had always known I was different in some way. My mum always used to say to me that I had to love myself, no matter what. She used to say that that was the most important thing a person could do. They were her last words. She made me promise. I only told her I was gay, as she was lying on her death bed. I had to tell her the truth before she died. I didn't plan it. It just slipped out. But I'm thankful that it did. I will always be thankful that it did. There is only one person alive today that knows I'm gay. He is also the one person that I wish didn't. But he was in the room when I told my mum, I had no choice but for him to know. And it's because he knows, because of his reaction, that I never told a single other soul. Not even my dearest sister. Now I suppose you are wondering what was so bad about this reaction that caused me to hide away my sexuality from the world. Let's just say that my dad didn't take it quite as well as I had hoped.

Caspar Lee
Josh and I were on our way to my house. We were walking home from school and he was coming to hang out at my place for a bit. Josh was my best friend, he helped me through every little trouble I had in my life and I struggled to think of what I would do without him. We were literally inseparable. Every night after school either I would got to his, or he would come to mine. We had nearly every class together and there wasn't a secret between us. We even just won the junior tennis tournament, we were top in our town. Everyone always asked if we were a couple, like as in gay. But both of us were straight. We also both had smoking hot girlfriends. Any way, back to what I was saying. We walked into my house together and I called in to my mum to tell her we were home. We were about to head upstairs when I heard her voice.
"Can you come here a minute Cas?" She sounded upset. I instantly got worried. Taking off my bag and slinging onto the sofa, I walked into the kitchen to find my mum hugging my sister, Theo, and my dad stood with a stern look on his face. My heart raced and my head went wild as I tried to think of what I had done wrong this time. After failing to come up with anything, I decided to ask.
"Mum, what's happened?" I asked. Mum let go of Theo and kissed her on the forehead. Theo didn't even look at me as she walked out of the room. Then my mum turned to me. She looked at  me with sad, apologetic eyes. I frowned, still very confused as to what was going on. She opened her mouth to speak, but paused as if she was deciding how to say what she needed to say.
"I'm so sorry Cas. Your dad, he had an offer at work. It was either lose his job or move to England to continue working there. He had to take it. There is nothing else here for him to do." She sad sadly. I could tell by the look on her face that it wasn't just guilt that was making her feel sad. This move wasn't something she wanted either. She had always loved South Africa. As had I.
"So, we're moving?" I asked. I could feel a lump in my throat and my eyes stung with the tears that threatened to spill over. My mum nodded slowly. My dad cleared his throat and I knew I was going to get some kind of lecture about how this is just another stage in our family's life and how England was full opportunities for all of us. And it turns out I was right.
"The job pays a lot more money than we have now. You always said you liked England. It is a lovely place. The schools there are great. It's a great opportunity to make some more friends. Spend some time with some new people." He looked at Josh as he said that last line. He'd never had a big problem with Josh. It just annoyed him that I spent more time with Josh that with my family and that Josh was always round.
"I don't need new friends dad. I'm perfectly happy with the friends I have now!" I said through gritted teeth. My dad muttered something under his breath. But I didn't quite catch what.
"Anyway, I have a girlfriend. You know Gaby. What am I supposed to do, just say sorry I've got to go move to England?" I almost shouted, I was getting angry now.
"Yes Caspar, that is exactly what you are supposed to do. It's not like you are in love with her anyway. You are 17 for goodness sake. There are plenty more girls out there in England!" This time my dad shouted. And he shouted loud. So I shouted back.
"I don't give a shit about fucking England! I have lived in South Africa for seventeen years and I will not leave now. It's all I've ever known and its all I ever want to know. My whole life is here. You can't drag me away from it. I won't let you!" This time I was unable to hold back the tears and they spilled from my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I could see my dads face get even redder with anger, and I suddenly regretted my out burst because I knew that there was nothing I could do to change my parents' minds. I turned and walked quickly from the room before he could say another word. I picked up my bag from the sofa and was about to storm up the stairs when I heard Josh say my name.
"Caspar..."
I turned slowly to face him, I felt my heart break as I opened my mouth to say what we were both thinking.
"You should leave Josh." I said bluntly. I saw his face drop and sadness wash over it. If I could have taken those a words back, I would have. I hated seeing Josh hurt. It hurt me. But there was nothing I could do, I was leaving. I know now that it was stupid, trying to cut off the ties with Josh, but I was so angry, I took it all out on him.
He didn't say a word. He glared at me with sharp eyes that I could feel stabbing at my heart. As he turned his back on me and walked out of the door, I knew how much I'd fucked up. But why did it matter, I was moving to England soon anyway and I would never see Josh again. I could hear my family walking into the living room but before they could tell me what an asshole I was being, I ran up the stairs.
I could have screamed right then and there. But I didn't. I decided that after my angry outburst, I would take the silent approach. Plus I didn't really feel like saying anything, I had just lost everything. Well not everything yet. But I soon would, I still had to tell Gaby. That was something I was not looking forward to. She had a very strong personality, it was one of the reasons I was so attracted to her. She didn't take shit from anyone and always spoke her mind, especially to me. I knew that this news wasn't going to go down well. I was too angry to tell her at the time, so I decided to wait until tomorrow, at school. In my anger, I just showered and went to bed, since I didn't really feel like doing anything else.