No Matter What (Jaspar AU)

20. Change

Joe Sugg
"Hey." I mumbled against Caspar's lips as I kissed him in his car out side of my house.

"Hey baby, did you sleep well?" Caspar replied, pulling back and intertwining his fingers with mine. He lifted our hands up so they were next to our faces where he let go of my hand and cupped my face with his fingers.

"Yeah. Did you?" I asked. He nodded and kissed me again.

I was expecting our exchange to be awkward, however it was the exact opposite of that. It was sweet, quiet and peaceful, all at the same time. Our memories of yesterday were fresh in our minds where they would probably remain for the rest of today and the next few weeks as well. And if I'm honest, I don't think I will ever forget that day.

I could feel the chill of the weather outside begin to seep into the car and I shivered. In response, Caspar turned from me and switched on his car and heat spilled from the vents. Music blared loudly and suddenly from his speakers and Caspar rushed to turn it down. It then dawned upon me just how flustered he was and I giggled in spite of myself at his perturbed state.

"What are you laughing at?" Caspar asked, almost, but not quite sounding self-conscious.
"Nothing." I said, pursing my lips and staring straight ahead. I tried hard not to let more laughter out.
"Joooooeeee." He groaned.
"What Caspar?"
"What's so funny?" He asked again, rather exasperatedly.
"You are, baby." I smiled, leaned over and pecked him on the lips.
"You're such a dick." He laughed.

Caspar released the handbrake and began to drive to school.
"So are you excited for tomorrow?" He asked.
"What's tomorrow?" I replied, knowing full well that tomorrow was Friday, and Friday was the day I was sleeping over at Caspar's. It was all I could think about, well apart from last night.
"Are you for real?" Caspar sighed, offence dripping from his voice. I could tell he was trying to play it cool and pretend like it didn't bother him that I didn't remember; it broke my heart.
"Of course not baby. I'm super excited to stay at your's tomorrow." I told him.

"Wait, you remember?"

"Of course I remember Caspar. How could I forget?" I laughed. I saw him relax from his tensed up state. He trusted that I was telling the truth, thank God. The last thing I wanted was to upset him.

He was silent the rest of the drive and it was getting to me. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. I decided to address the situation as he pulled up in the school car park.
"Cas..." I muttered as he switched off his car.
"Yeah?" He replied. He sounded uninterested, almost irritated.
"I didn't mean it." I told him.
"Mean what?" Caspar asked.
"What I said about tomorrow." I said.
"Oh that. Yeah I know." He replied. I still wasn't satisfied but I decided to let it go for now.

I took his hand after we had left his car and I laced our fingers together. I wanted him to know that I was neither ashamed or embarrassed to be with him, as scary as it might have been for people to see us together and know that I was gay. I loved him, I know I hadn't told him yet, but I did love him.

We made our way through the school, once again ignoring the stares we got from our fellow students. I don't know what they thought they were going to see. They've seen us walking around together before. Did they think we were going to start having passionate gay sex in the middle of the corridor or something? I just don't get it.

We walked into our form room and sat in our usual seats at the back. The room was empty. Caspar sat in silence. I was beginning to get a little frustrated. Caspar did this sometimes, he would just get annoyed at me for some reason but instead of speaking to me about it, he would just go quiet and not say anything. I decided I wasn't just going to sit here, I was going to talk to him whether he liked it or not.