Alone Together

Does That Mean You Love Me?

Phil sat on the sofa in a daze. Eventually he looked up from his spinning thoughts. About two hours had passed. It was ten pm. He had a headache. At some point he must've cried, because his face was wet and there was a leftover sniffle in his nose.

Phil wanted to go talk to Dan. Phil really really wanted to talk to Dan. Dan probably didn't want to talk to Phil. If Dan had wanted to talk to Phil, then he would've come out of his room. Or maybe he zoned out like Phil. Phil needed to talk to Dan. He couldn't just let this be. The longer he let it rest, the worse his chances got of ever fixing the situation.

So Phil dragged himself up off the sofa and down the hall. When faced with Dan's closed door, he almost lost his nerve. Almost turned around. Almost couldn't do it.

He's probably asleep anyways Phil tried reasoning with himself. He's on his bed and has been lying there for two hours. Of course he's asleep. I could use the extra time to think through what to do anyways. Sleep on it myself. This would definitely-

Then Phil heard the sound of Dan softly crying, very much awake. His hand knocked on the door before he even knew what was happening.

He heard a pause in the crying.

"Dan?" Phil called, surprised at the evenness of his voice.

"Go away!" Dan said, so quietly Phil barely heard it.

Phil's heart broke a little bit, all the reasons he was sad coming back to him. The list was very different from what it was three hours ago, than it had been for nearly a month. "Please don't hate me, Dan!" Phil called frantically, suddenly very desperate to not lose everything that means anything to him.

A sigh came from in the room. Phil heard shuffling around and heavy, tired footsteps. The door opened, but Dan turned away before Phil could see his face. He went and reinserted himself in his nest of blankets, never once looking at Phil. Phil walked into the room and sat down on the bed, giving Dan as much space as possible.

"I don't hate you, Phil. I could never hate you. Were you not even paying attention?"

Phil breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank god. Oh my god, Dan, I am so sorry. So so sorry. I don't want to lose you. I can't express how guilty-"

"Shut up, Phil."

"Right."

"But that was really mean, Phil."

The tears flowed down Phil's face without permission. "Oh Dan... I-I..."

"Just, tell me one thing, Phil."

"What?"

"How...how did you know that?"

Phil felt his eyebrows scrunch together, confused. "What does that mean?"

"I mean... How could you possibly know that? And for the record, that's was a really shitty thing to do."

"About Friend?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean how did I know? You mean... You don't think I'm crazy?"

"What? What are you talking about? How the hell did you find out about that?"

"What? Find out? I wasn't lying, Dan, it happened. It's true. Find out about what?"

Dan sat up and just looked at Phil. He looked pale, and Phil could see he was almost shaking. Phil was just very very confused. Then he heard it. Just a whisper. Barely even there.

Ph-Phil...?

Phil nearly jumped back a mile, and he actually fell off of the bed. He hit the floor with a thud, and he was sure there would be a bruise there in the morning. His eyes had widened impossibly, but upon impact they flew closed. Phil rubbed his tailbone. The carpet barely muffled the pain of falling, and he flopped down, accidentally hitting his head on the door. "Ouch!"

Dan nearly jumped off the bed after him, but stopped himself before he actually did.

Oh my god, are you okay Phil?!?

Phil rubbed his head and flopped on the carpet again, more successfully this time. "Can you talk out loud please Dan? It's just... Just a bit disorienting. I mean..."

"Yeah, sure. I get it. Just... Phil? You're Friend?"

"I am. You are, Dan?"

"Yes."

Dan?

Dan rolled his eyes. "I'm not even going to answer that. And what happened to out loud? You're right, it's weird."

"Sorry. You got to ask me, you know?"

"Fair enough."

"Little help over here?"

"Right." Dan got up carefully off the bed and walked over to where Phil was flayed out under the desk. He kneeled down next to his friend and held out a hand. Phil took it and pulled himself up, assisted by the younger male.

They both find there way over to the bed and sit on it, about a foot apart from each other.

"So..." Dan started. "Does that mean you love me then?"

Phil didn't answer at first. His head had barely registered what was happening. Though he knew what was happening, something just wouldn't click in his brain.

I love you. I always have.

"Phil, what happened to out loud?"

"Huh?"

"You... You thought that. It wasn't out loud."

"Oh."

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Then Dan got a bit bolder and erased the space between them, sitting as close to Phil as he could.

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll start then. I love you, Phil."

Dan grabbed Phil's hand.

Phil inhaled, but didn't respond.

"I love you, Phil."

Dan brought Phil's hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle.

Phil looked Dan right in the eyes, but didn't respond. He shivered.

"I love you, Phil."

Dan grabbed Phil's other hand and kissed his forehead.

Phil closed his eyes.

"I love you, Phil."

Phil could hear Dan taking a deep breath, and could sense his his form moving closer. Dan pressed his lips against Phil's.

Phil felt his insides nearly burst. Fireworks went off somewhere. With his eyes closed, he really felt Friend kissing him. The one he fell in love with, who had been completely mental, was physical. His mouth was finally against Phil's.

Phil kissed him back with as much passion as he could muster, reveling of the way their mouths moved together.

They both got lost in each other.

Eventually they pulled away for air, Phil's eyes never having opened, and they still didn't.

I love you, Dan.

"I love you, Phil."

Friend was Dan.

Dan was Friend.

But to Phil, something still seemed different about the two.

That night, Phil fell asleep in the arms of his best friend, and he found that he loved him even more when his eyes were closed.

I love you, Friend Phil's mind echoed numbly as he drifted off to sleep.