December Is Love

Hopes

18th October 2015 she comes, talks to me and all of a sudden I read that she wants to breakup with me. I thought it was anger or disappointment or sadness, but this girl that came back wasn't the one I knew, she had an incident that completely changed her, I was broken, trying to figure out my mistake in all this. She said she wants a friend I tried and I was ready to be one and one day finally I got killed. All my happiness faded away. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I tried everything I reached out everyone who could help me. No one ever helped. I tried to contact her and I ended up getting blocked by her from everywhere. I cried, I begged, I tried and I am still trying and waiting for her to be back. This time after 18th October, I have had an operation, I am having treatments of different kinds as I am not well these days. She knew everything, she chose not to believe me, I never lied to her, I loved her and I still love her. Everyone asked me to move on but if I had to do this ever in my life, I will choose to die rather than moving on because the girl I know is not a liar. I have known her soul, she let me in because she trusted me, i know she loved me and I hope and still believe that she loves me.
I did things which weren't supposed to be done, I should have left her alone, it was all my fault that I could never let her go. She was the best, she is still the best. It is not her fault, maybe it is but I won't believe that ever. She never gave me a reason leaving me helpless and frustrated at the same time. This frustration is killing me each day. All I can do is wait.
Today it is 13th December 2015, the most important day for me, a year of our friendship. I came today just to see you, my eyes were searching for you all the time I was there. I saw you, I couldn't even wish you, I couldn't approach you because I am not allowed to. I saw you that's enough for me as while we were together we couldn't even see each other. I know all the things can't be right at the same time, but I'll be waiting and praying to get you back. You are growing beautiful each day and as now I am no one to you, I am sorry that I couldn't be the one for you. It was my fault and I'll be there whenever you need me.The day for which I have been waiting since January. I may be the worst guy ever but yes my love for you is true, my promises are true, my prayers for you to get back to me is true, but that fear of losing you forever is constant. It makes me sad, it makes me cry, tears roll down at anytime when I need you and I know I can't text you or talk to you. Your birthday is around the corner, you'll be eighteen now, you'll be an adult, it's your day, you are my princess, my mickey mouse, my smile, my life, my happiness. I pray to get your call or text every second of day, the only wish that I have, the only birthday gift I want, the only thing that I need. You are my strength, if you were here I would have made you smile each day, I would have made things better for you, but all I could now do is wait, because yes you are worth it. I would never ever hate you because I know you, the people who don't know you may hate you but not me. I know I am living but my days pass and my evening stay still, the longest evenings of my life, the most painful nights, the trauma of you acting like a stranger to me, the trauma of you not talking to me, not caring for me as if you don't even know me. I won't disturb you because I know I am not allowed to but yes I will be there waiting, because my heart has no place for anyone else, your love is enough for me to make me feel fine. I hope I will have you back even if as a friend, I won't ever betray you, you are family for me, people come back to their families sooner or later. I hope you aren't too late. I miss you and I love you. I have loved you with everything I had, I always will, any day you be back you will find me there for you in any the which way you want me. You named me Donald duck and this Donald duck has lost its smile since the day he has lost you. Every night when I am all alone, I cry, I try not to but I was never this strong. People be there when you love them like this, you loved me enough to stop me from ever going away from you. I am yours and I always will be only and only yours. I am ready to do anything you say but the rest is known to you. I hope you will keep me as a friend because I was always ready to be one. I miss you and m praying, I hope one day you'll take me back as yours because I am only yours and you were the one who told me that, so yes m there for you, waiting, praying, hoping to get you back to me and the rest is known to you and God.........