I know I don't usually update this soon after an update but I kinda gave in to the urge. I didn't know what I was doing until the knife was in my hand and I finally gave in but I only did it once. It didn't give me the satisfaction that one usually did so I gave up on it and thought of Paul. He is my hero and he puts me through crap but he wouldn't leave me. No matter how much I make him mad and I know that he wouldn't do what my ex did.
I don't know if I told this story before but here it goes. So when I didnt stop cutting for my boyfriend (at the time), that morning while I was getting ready for P.E. ( I was putting my things in my locker ). He walked up to my locker and showed me his arm. He had cut himself. I looked at him then his wrist, then my wrist and finally back to him. I asked him why and he said it was family problems. He wouldn't look me in the eyes while he said that but I believed him anyways.
At lunch that day I bawled my eyes out and didnt eat. I didnt care who saw. Later on that day while we were on the bus with my friend Emma, I found out the REAL reason why he cut himself because he told her. He cut himself to make a point to me about how he feels. Two days later I broke with him because of it. He doesnt know how much worse he made my urges come because I thought that if he tried to make another point that I would lose him.
Well, Im doing my best to fight the world's hatred towards me and Im winning. And im weak. So if I can you can because We are ALL STRONGER THAN WE SEEM. WE CAN ALL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ALL OF YA'LL!!!!!!! I MAY NOT KNOW YOU BUT JUST KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU NO MATTER IF YOU DONT KNOW THEM. THEY STILL CARE AND IM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
