THE LOVE I CANNOT HOLD

15 - Going Two Means Ruin

"Tell me this is a dream Fjord..." Her eyes were wide in shock and she's holding her head like she's trying to erase the picture of me locking mouths with Sena. I felt really sorry for her at this moment. I gasped and sighed repeatedly while brushing my hair off. This is what I feared most but right at this moment, I felt pity for Rische.

"Rische, I'm sorry. This... isn't a dream." I broke the reality to her apologetically. A boyfriend who was caught doing mistake should go all crazy to ask her girlfriend forgiveness but I'm tired of fooling myself that I still love her when all I feel for her is pity. I stayed because of the memories.

"Fjord, please tell me you were just tempted by this woman who loved to harbor everything!" She's now shouting like a madman. Sena and I can't blame her. I'm glad Sena took this matter professionally and disregarded her wails. She was not denying her mistake.

"Please Rische, calm down. I don't care what people will say to me. But I won't be able to stand them talking negative about you."

She wailed and bawled like a child. She was crying desperately. I tried to touch her but she spat my hand like it was a fly.

"Since when babe? Since when did you fool my heart? To top it all off, why her? I must have been very pitiful in your eyes Sena. You must have looked to me like an ant." She's addressing questions without needing an answer but one.

"Since wheeeeeen?" It came off more like an exclamation rather than a question.

With all my might, I turned to hug her tightly away from the criticizing sight of the people around us. She squirmed and pushed and punched me but I bore it all because I made a mistake of falling in love to a woman in the arms of the other. Sena started to sob silently but ended up stoned to her position. What I said brought Rische a cry of despair and Sena a weep of satisfaction.

"Im sorry Rische that I hid my love for Sena from you. All this time I thought I was only fooled by her beauty. But it was everything about her that I desire. It may vanish through time but I'd like to spend my days with her."

"I... can't. .. let... you.... go..." she said in between cries.

"I know she might not just accept me. But I want to wait for her until she tells me I'm that man whose love she cannot hold."

I hugged her til she subsides. I saw Sena smiled beyond.
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Epilogue

Sena pursued her dream. She told me before she left she's not ready to take me back again until I prove her I can wait for 5 years. If this love I had for her was real, it would stand against the test of time. She's the love I cannot hold, FOR NOW.

As for Rische, things about us went to a blur. I'm not hurrying her to forgive me. I want to let the time heal the suffering I caused her. I betrayed her and forgiving me right away will make the relationship raw.

This lesson of love I learned from these two great women taught me that going two would mean ruin. I will work my way out from this sin I spun and I hope that I can amend the pains I've cost to people.

-end