Then came Ben

Chapter Two

I instantly flinch back towards the door at Aaron's harsh words.

"I'm sorry, I really am," I try, with my voice week.

"Your sorry? Bullshit. You barely want to kiss me anymore, Katelyn. You say you love me, but we haven't even had actual sex. It's been fucking two years. Two years! We've been together for almost two years. You're lucky you have me," he points his finger to his chest, "any other guy would have broken up with you by now."

"Aaron-"

"Stop," he holds his hand up to silence me, "just go."

"But I-"

"I said stop!" Aarons voice booms and I feel tears spring to my eyes from his loudness. I put my head down and my hand shakes to reach the handle to open the door. I open it and silently slip out.

After the door is behind me and I walk down the hall and keep my head down, studying the hallway blue designed carpet. I make my way down the elevator and out of his flat building, a few tears fall from my eyes.

Why is he so bipolar? He can be so sweet, then such a jerk.

Maybe I shouldn't have pushed him and just stayed. If I only stayed longer and let him talk more, maybe this wouldn't have happened again. I could just be getting in his way. The world is full of maybes, after all.

Do I deserve better? This is a question I constantly ask myself. Do I deserve what I have? I think everyone has a time in their life where they stop and think: what did I do to deserve this? Whether it be good or bad.

When I first met Aaron, he was the guy any seventeen year old would want. He would bring me flowers constantly for no reason whatsoever, bring me to my favorite concerts; told me he loved me constantly. From the outside we were perfect. Several couples envied us, and told us what we have would be forever. But eventually, he stopped giving me flowers for no reason, instead, only as apology flowers. He pressured me into doing things I wasn't yet comfortable with. I remember the first time we had an argument.

We were sitting in a small booth after an Adam Levine concert, and Aaron had been drinking. An old friend of mine came over to our table to say hello to me. He was an ex that Aaron had known about, but we became friends after our breakup. Aaron acted fine in front of Chris, but after he left, Aaron exploded. He accused me of cheating, and that I was flirting with Chris right in front of him. He accused me of checking him out, when I had not.

Aaron told me he felt like I checked out nearly every guy within a mile radius. I was surprised at this because he had never told me he felt this way before. I withdrew myself from any guy friend relationships I had because Aaron wasn't comfortable with me around men. He told me that they would make a move on me and to watch out. So I did what he said, I ignored them all when they tried to talk to me or hang out.

I began to have tunnel vision on Aaron; ignoring every other guy in my life to just focus on him. I also ignored some of my female friends, because they told me my relationship was unhealthy but I told them it was normal, and it was just when he had alcohol. However, he started having alcohol more and more and the aggressive Aaron came out more and more.

I would like him to get treatment so we can go back to what we used to be. I know Aaron can be sweet and a great guy, just the alcohol messes with his head.

I walk down the lit New York City Street and brush past the other on-goers to head back to my apartment. His words echo through my mind and tears come to my eyes once more. I push the swivel door to let myself into the large brick apartment complex, and keep my head down to avoid other people's eyes.

Strangely, I feel watched. I feel someone pitying my tear stained eyes, or judging me; but I refuse to look up. I swat the tears away from my eyes and make my way toward the golden elevator and press the forth floor button. I keep my eyes trained to the ground once again and head towards my apartment door. When I open the door, a small modern kitchen greets me on my left and a small modern living room on my right. I set my black leather purse on the peacock colored granite counter top and make my way past the living room down a small hallway, which consists of my bedroom, a closet, and a bathroom.

Once I enter my bedroom I angrily brush the tears from my eyes and let out a loud, aggravated groan. I spot the gold handle next to my bed and I open the small black beside table. I rustle around inside the drawer to find the thing I need the most. I spot the yellow bottle and open prescription pills with my name on it.

Some may say that you should naturally heal. But some things can't be done on their own. My brain can't fix itself and I need an aid. Pills happen to be my aid. Yes, I'd rather have other ways to reduce my depression, but there is no other solution. I pop the pill into my mouth and gulp down some water after it. I lift myself from the white comforter and scuff my feet against the floor on my way to the bathroom to take a shower.

I take a relatively quick shower and then I grab a white tank top and black sweatpants: my go-to lazy outfit. I stand in front of the gold mirror in my bathroom and my green eyes are rimmed with red from the tears that I had earlier. My dripping wet hair is stuck against my pasty white skin. I'm not beautiful, but I'm not ugly either. Aaron never usually comments on my looks, nor do any guys actually. Only some of my female friends that I used to have would, probably just because that's what friends do. Support each other. Unfortunately, at this time in my life I don't have that.

Once I change and towel dry my hair, I make my way to the kitchen and take out a yogurt from the fridge. I look at the clock and see that it reads noon which means I should probably get ready for work because it starts in a half hour.

When I moved here from a Massachusetts suburb, I knew I'd need a job to cover the expenses. I applied to a coffee shop that some other college students also work at, and had been hired. I like the people I work with there, they allow me to keep some of my sanity.

I run into the steamy bathroom that I had just showered in, and throw my hair up into a messy bun and change into my work uniform. I finish getting ready and make my way out of the apartment building to the coffee shop, which is only a block away. I quickly approach the small coffee shop and look into the large windows as I pass by. I grab the black door handle and the smell of coffee hits me and I take a deep breath and smile. The door squeaks closed.

"Hello, welcome to- oh hey Kate!" Rachael, my coworker who stands at the check out, greets me. I smile warmly at her and greet her back. I make my way to the counter and let myself behind it. I take my green apron that has "Kate" embroidered into it and put it on by tying it in the back. I take in the small coffee shop. An old man and what looks like his wife are sitting in the small lounge area. One of the ten tables are taken with a man who is on his computer typing away.

"It's been oddly quiet since after morning rush hour today," Rachael voices my thoughts.

"Really? Odd," I comment.

"How are you and Aaron?" Rachael asks. She doesn't know everything about Aaron and I, like his drinking problem, and how much we fight. She thinks we occasionally fight. Unfortunately, it's more of an every day fight- not just occasional.

"We are great," I lie, smiling to prove my point.

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