Break the Unbreakable

Chapter Thirty Four

I had just finished explaining, and now I was waiting in anticipation for his reaction. Was he going to go find Janet? Was he going to explode and yell at me? Was he going to find Harry and tell him everything?

I could only imagine those worst possible things, and I kind of wanted it to happen. For it all to be over.

I was ready to endure the consequences.

"You," he said, pausing, trying to formulate the correct words. "You used me."

"I - I know, Niall. But -" I started.

"No," he cut me off. "You used me. You took advantage of me."

"Niall, I regret it. I regret everything I did to you. I'm so sorry."

"Then, why did you do it? Why did you agree to this assignment? Why did you decide to use the fact that we might have feelings for one another and exploit it?"

I had no answer to that.

"I felt like I - I had to," I responded, pathetically.

"Bullshit," he scoffed. "Come on, Blake! No one was holding a gun to your head and forcing you to do this."

"But the New York Times -"

"Might have hired you even if you didn't take this assignment," he said, shaking his head. "You don't know. You don't know what could or couldn't have happened."

"Niall, this is my dream! If someone said you had to do a few things to get into the music industry -"

"I wouldn't have taken it! IF someone asked me to jeopardize someone else's feelings, I wouldn't have done it! It's just not ethical, Blake."

"I - I know," I said, nothing left to refute his points with.

"Not to mention that you hurt me in this whole process, but Janet wants you to break Harry's heart! Harry, who has done nothing to you, would be completely innocent in this situation."

"I know! It didn't work, and I'm- I'm glad it didn't."

"Yeah, but what if it had? What if you finally got him to fall in love with someone? You finally got him to stop being a jerk...you were just going to rip that out for him underneath him? And then he'd really never trust anyone ever again."

When I said everything out loud, it didn't sound half as good as it did in my head. It sounded stupid and idiotic. It sounded like an awful plan for someone to get really hurt.

All for a story.

"You have to set your priorities straight," he continued. "You've got to figure out what is and isn't worth it."

"Niall, I never wanted to hurt you -" I said.

"But you did. You hurt me, Blake. Our friendship - the fact that your journalist dream was worth putting us on the line, was worth ruining what we have - I don't know if I can ever trust you."

"Niall, I was so, so stupid, I know! I'm so sorry," I said again. But these words were just sounding weak. "Your friendship is irreplaceable, I don't know what I was thinking. I know I can't ask you to forgive me, but just know that I wasn't thinking. And you mean more than anything to me."

"I just can't believe that. If you really felt that way, you wouldn't have done what you did."

"Niall, I had no -"

"You, you, you, that's really all I'm hearing, Blake," he said, harshly. "Well, what about me, huh? What about how I'm feeling? Do you know how much I thought about our friendship before I could even start to make it known that I had grown to have feelings for you -"

"Niall, I have them for you too! I know I do. I liked being with you, I liked having you there with me."

"Yeah, but you used me. You used me as bait. And all of your feelings you may actually have for me gets cancelled out. Because you lost my respect."

"Niall, I'm so sorry!" I said, tears springing to my eyes.

"You have nothing to say other than you're sorry," he said, shaking his head. "You can't justify your actions because you know that they weren't ethical or moral or right in any way."

I just kept silent. I deserved all of this.

"Niall -"

"No, I'm done. I'm through with you and your twisted lies. Good luck with your interview, your assignment, and your life. I'm done with all of that."

"Niall, stop," I said, pleadingly. He attempted to stand up and walk away, but I grabbed his arm.

"No, Blake," he said, firmly. "Let me go. Just let me go."

"No," I fought harder. I couldn't let him go. I didn't want to lose him. I knew I didn't deserve him, and everything he was saying was a hundred percent right, but I felt like I needed him. More than ever. "Please, Niall."

He shook his head.

"Niall, please. Stay! Shout, yell. Just yell at me. Tell me what I need to fix," I begged.

He paused for a moment, and I had a glimmer of hope, but when he looked down at me again, I knew I lost. I knew he had disconnected.

"I'm not going to yell at you anymore," he told me. "You know why? Because that would make you feel special. Like I cared enough to stay and yell. Well, I don't."

"Niall," I said, but I knew it would do nothing.

I just let him go and watched him walk away, having nothing better to do than just sit there and feel people's judging eyes on me.

At that point, no one mattered. I didn't care about anyone else.

Because the person I cared about, didn't care about me at all anymore.

"Blake," I heard from behind me. I didn't bother turning around. "Blake, what are you doing?"

It was Harry.

"Just sitting here," I snapped. "What does it look like?"

"Whoa, relax. I'm the one who has a right to be mad," Harry replied, sitting down next to me.

"What do you want, Styles?" I said, with an edge to my voice.

"We agree to practice for the show, didn't we?"

Oh God, I was not in the mood to practice right now. I was not in the mood to be around people, let alone Harry right now.

The guilt and the frustration would just sink deeper.

"Are you okay? You seem on edge," he noted.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's...just...reschedule."

He hesitated, and I could tell he wanted to disagree.

"Look, I just had a shitty day," I explained. "Just let me cool off, and we can practice after school."

"Fine."

He got up to leave, and I just set my head down on the table.

I just wanted to be alone right now. If Niall wouldn't speak to me, I wanted no one else.