The Book of Random

Chuluism In A Nutshell

Excuse me sir? Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Cthulu? Of course you do! So first enter his chambers if you dare, but please oh please do remove your hair. It gets stuck in his teeth, and it makes him quite frustrated, and after he eats your soul, you will still be hated. First he eats your soul, then grinds your bones. He then tears you to pieces, now please, give me your phones. We are going to go meet him, he's in a good mood today, and if you get lucky, he'll leave you to decay. Down deep in the water, our demonic father. If you survive and catch a glimpse, you're probably still gonna die. I mean...It's like, 74,000 miles below sea level....So yeah....Anyways! As we make our way down to his lair, you can feel yourself falling deeper, to meet your creator. He loves all his Cthuluists and he would never harm them politely, he will fully kill them, to show them so brightly, of how they were so smart. To come help their lord and Savior, and ate them for good behavior. He's a very nice person, by now he's probably eaten me too, and if you ask me, its probably cause I'm a Jew.