Resolutions

Resolution #2

A/N: Edited. There are major changes in the story line as compared to the previous draft. Do read it. Enjoy :)

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Not really sure how to feel about it.

Something in the way you move.

Makes me feel like I can't live without you.

It takes me all the way.

I want you to stay.

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Resolution #2: Don't Make New Friends, Keep the Old.

It's funny, isn't it? You spend your whole life searching for something to live for. All that time you could've spent living, but no, you choose to search for something to make you whole, something to make you complete. Some people have their "something" since the beginning of time but just don't realize it. They have something to smile about when they wake up in the morning and something to soothe away all their worries before they go to bed at night. Their lives aren't perfect; no one's is, not by a long shot. But I can't help but be jealous, they have that something to add colour to their world, something that makes even the slightest sounds musical and I? I stand here, alone, staring at my reflection, thinking of a million things that should make me smile, but don't. What makes me tick? Why do I wake up every morning? What gives me the motivation to get through every day? Nothing. When I can't find something worth living for- when I don't have something worth living for- is my life even worth living? I guess not.

How would the world have been without me? Would it have been a better place? Happier? More joyous? Or would it have been sadder? More empty?

I guess I'd never find out. The real question is: did I want to? I stared into my eyes, eyes that looked dull and soulless as I looked into them; the sight was so frightening that I was forced to look away from the haunting image that stood before me in the mirror.

Sighing, I cupped the cold water running from the tap into my hands and splashed it across my naked face. It wasn't enough to wake me up... But then again, nothing ever was. I walked around in a half-asleep state; my mind was in a world of its own. This wasn't all bad though, I could view things objectively, as though I wasn't in the situation itself, allowing me to make unbiased and good decisions. The only real downside was that I was like a real life zombie (only smarter).

The bell rang loudly, signalling the end of the lunch hour, snapping me out of my thoughts. I let out a shaky breath and gathered my things.

It's back to reality now, I guess. Buckle up, soldier. You've got to face the crowds.

Upon exiting the bathroom that had harboured me for the past half hour, I found my way to my next class- history with Mr.Brown. There, I counted the minutes to my next class. That's how school worked for most of the student body- less learning, more checking the time.

History was not my forte, nor was I particularly interested in the mistakes humankind had made; it just got me thinking about how little we humans had progressed, considering how regressive we still were in our thinking. It was sad really, how forward we claimed to be and- well, you get the point. This is what happened in each history lesson that I participated in and this one was no exception.

"Psst! Callie!" whispered Ryan, who sat in the seat behind mine.

When I didn't respond, he resorted to kicking my chair. I continued to ignore his childishly obvious antics to grab my attention for two reasons: one, I wasn't in the mood to be served detention on a silver tray by Mr. Brown and two, I had no intention of forgiving him or anyone else out of our friend circle for abandoning me at the New Year's Party. Yes, I had been giving them the cold shoulder and avoiding them like the plague. And no, I had no intention of stopping anytime soon.