Resolutions

Resolution #3

But you're so hypnotizing-

You've got me laughing while I sing-

You've got me smiling in my sleep.

And I can see this unraveling-

Your love is where I'm falling-

But please don't catch me...

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Resolution #3: Don't Hope For The Best, Prepare For The Worst.

There's one thing in life that always ends up amusing me, that is, the inevitable change brought about by the passing times. Now, this may make me sound like an old lady but really, stop and think about it. Just take four steps back down memory lane and see for your own self. Even just a couple of months ago your life must've been different as compared to what it is now, and I'm certain that it is so for every person on this planet, it's definitely so for me. Even if it is the smallest thing like a change in food preferences, time changes everything.

A month ago, I couldn't have imagined being as close to Tanner as I am now. I probably would've laughed if the thought ever crossed my mind. But somehow the little minx managed to wriggle his way into my daily routine and now? I can't imagine a single passing day without him. Whether it's a simple text saying 'hi' or a day at the mall with him, I always find him in some part of my day, uplifting my mood by some strange powers of his. How did this happen? When did it happen? These are questions whose answers I am still in search of. Being around him just adds an unfathomable sparkle my eyes, the same banal eyes that just a while ago, I was scared of staring into. Just the feeling of being listened to and not simply heard, made me feel worth something, made me smile.

My friends were curious about him, obviously. "Who is he?" they'd often ask but I had no intention of introducing them to him. It was as though he was my secret, and just this once, I did not want to let the cat out of the bag: not to them, not to anybody. I had an excuse for this, in case you were wondering. If one of my friends did, um, get acquainted with him, the question of how I met him could and would arise soon after. And that was one question that, despite knowing the answer to, I was scared of. I wanted to forget about how we'd met. We'd never discussed the kiss and we went by the unspoken rule of not bringing it up because, let's face the facts here, one does not simply bring up the kiss.

I sat on a swing set in an abandoned park (with the exception of Tanner and yours truly) that was close to Tanner's house, whistling, but never taking my feet off the ground. Tanner, on the other hand, was swinging as high as possible (this scared me; I'm kind of a worry wart). When he finally slowed down, I let out a soft sigh of relief- big mistake. My reaction hadn't gone unnoticed by him.

"Why aren't you swinging? C?" He asked.

Everyone seems to believe that playgrounds are where the fondest childhood memories are made. It was the exact opposite for me. I hated playgrounds and everything in them, especially swing sets. I avoided them at all costs, but would never be found admitting this to anybody. To be honest, I never really needed to admit hating playgrounds to anybody because I hadn't stepped inside one since I was five. No, it didn't have to do with some painful childhood memory of my sibling dying or my father/mother leaving me. I'm not that complex and cliché- lame and cowardly is more my forte. Besides, my family was as painfully normal as it could get- and I didn't even have a sibling. People were scared of clowns or the dark (reasonable, I believe). I was scared of swing sets and playgrounds. Hilarious, right?

As a child, I was the ever cautious one, making sure to never scrape my knee or stub my toe. The only place that I ever got injured was at a play ground. I got a little to careless while swinging, flew right off the swings and hit the ground, dislocating my shoulder. It. Was. Painful. Extremely so. I believe my fear is valid, most do not. Then again, since when does the opinion of the multitude matter to me? It is a stupid fear, easy to overcome and irrational in nature. But the very thought of overcoming it made me squirm. Childish? Possibly. Definitely.