Serena's POV
Scrolling down my news feed on Instagram I see a picture of Catt and destiny I think to myself how lucky destiny is to have Catt. I then had a flashback to when I first saw her and thought I had no chance with this girl if she's dating destiny. Wasn't Catt straight? She had a boyfriend before destiny. Why am I confused? Why am I even thinking of this girl when its obvious that she doesn't like me like I like her.. I told you this would happen again.. Thanks for getting attached Serena you know you will never be happy again.. Way to go. Hooray! My heart hurt but it wasn't anyone's fault but mine.. I just brushed it off and kept it inside my own head. I never spoke to anyone about my problems they didn't care so why waste my breath? I'm useless and worthless to everyone that's why I get left all the time.. Everyone gets tired of me.. I remember thinking this on a day to find her in JROTC after school with of course destiny.. Her girlfriend.. She sat along the air force wall looking as glowing as usual.. I didn't let her get in my head I had drill to practice and I couldn't get distracted.. I saw her smile a couple of times but that just reminded me that it wasn't toward me. I went home that day hurt but not showing it, I smiled like everything was fine and dandy when in reality I really liked this girl to the point that I couldn't even look at destiny the same.. She was mine first I said.. She came unexpected.. But I never spoke up all I did was make it obvious I liked her by flirting.. I never said, "hey I like you wanna start talking?" No it never came out through texts and/or my mouth.. The day of the drill meet came this was in April 2015. I didn't expect to see her there but i did and i just glanced and looked away.. I had to keep myself in place if I mess up this could ruin our chance placing. So I stayed focused and ended up doing my best.. We never placed in drill because others got mind fucked and screwed up.. We were all irritated at one another.. Why'd you mess up? Why didn't you say the right command? The question why was repeated.. Everything went better after we placed 3rd in P.T.. But still we were all still upset.. Oh well I said we tried our hardest.. As I watched Abilene Cooper and Central High School get all the drill team trophies.. There's always next year, right? Wait, I'm a senior there isn't a 'next year..' Time past and they soon broke up, honestly you can say happy.. This was my chance to get with her now.. But there was a mountain I had to climb to convince her I'm not like anyone she's dated.. I don't know how to do that.. I'll try though I said to myself. We then exchanged numbers and snap chat usernames. We were friends but I knew I wanted to be more than that. She invited me to her house I didn't want to though because I know I wouldn't eat in front of her.. I wouldn't talk as much.. What if her parents know I like her? I over thought about it.. So I said no for all those reasons.. I knew I hurt her but all I ever did was think of myself.. Distancing everyone was by far the greatest thing I thought I could do.. So therefore I didn't care if I hurt her.. I felt bad yes but I didn't think I did a bad deed by saying no to her.. I don't know how I did it but I did.. I don't understand myself. I want this girl to be mine but yet I'm trying not to get more attached then I already have. I'm confusing I thought. I'm to broken still I won't ever recover from that girl who messed me up.. What am I doing? Why am I trying to be happy when I know it won't work or last that's a proven fact. What a mess I made of me.. I will never get a chance with Catt.. Ever.
