Once, I Fell In Love With A Stranger

Dumbfounded

She left..

After of what happened in Davao, I want to take away my life now. In other words, I want to die.

Kaecy did not join us in dinner and on the same day, she left. Bumalik sya ng Ilocos. I want to follow her but I have a responsibility with my father. I can't leave my dad.

And then.. she broke up with me.

She said she can't take the pain of knowing na yung boyfriend nya is about to marry someone else other than her.

"Hanggang kailan ako magpapanggap na hindi ako nasasaktan?" She said on her message

Tang ina. BAKIT AKO BA HINDI NASASAKTAN?

Seriously. Naging kami through message then she broke up with me through message din. Haha. Tang ina.

Sa buong three days na namalagi ako sa Davao, I realized something. I am not in control of my life. I don't decide for myself but my father does. I don't know why I can't say no to him whenever he asks me a favor.

I hate myself. I hate him.

They kept on planning about the wedding yet they doesn't ask us if we both want this wedding.

We also have a right naman diba? I mean, we're not robots here.

They doesn't know na we are also getting hurt because of this damn marriage.

MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME. SHE FUCKING BROKE UP WITH ME. WHAT ELSE HURTS MORE THAN THAT?

They say mga lalaki ang madalas nananakit ng babae. That is a fucking lie.

Bakit s'ya bumitaw? Tang ina. Wala ba s'yang tiwala sakin na s'ya lang talaga yung mahal ko para iwan n'ya ako ng parang tanga ngayon? Shit.

I know this isn't easy for the both of us but can't she just fucking understand my fucking situation here?

Is that how immature she is? Fuck.

Her message:

"James, I'm sorry. I can't accept the fact that you are going to marry someone na hindi ako. Nasasaktan na ako sa James. Hanggang kailan ako magpapanggap na hindi ako nasasaktan? Everytime I see Chloe it just fucking kills my soul. It hurts damn much that I can't hold on anymore. I'm breaking up with you James. I love you but I don't wanna keep on hurting myself. I'm sorry."

It has been years since I my last cry. It was when my mom and dad divorced. Then now, a girl who happens to be a stranger for me before, is now the reason for these tears that's flowing down from my eyes.

Gan'on ba talaga ako kamalas na lahat nalang iniiwan ako?

Wala naman akong ginawa kundi magmahal lang diba? Tang ina. Lalaki ba talaga ako? Shit. Para akong bakla.

Baby. What happened to your promise na hindi mo ako iiwan? akala ko ba mahal mo ako? Paano mo nagawang iwan ako if you love me? Don't you know I'm crying right now because of you? I love you. Please don't leave me. Mahal ba mahal kita. Mahal na mahal.

Then I pressed 'send'

I waited for a reply but I received none.

I kept on waiting kahit na alam kong naghihintay na lang ako sa wala.

Naghihintay pa rin ako.

Baby please don't leave me.

No reply.

And now, I'm left here dumbfounded.

Hurt and broken.