Captive: Hopeless

Chapter 38 - Compassion

Kay sat on the balcony and stared out at the darkness. Twelve hours passed since Cat and her team rescued her from the forest, and those moments still lived in her head.

Many spoke to her, congratulated or tried to comfort her, and even though she heard their voices, the words made no impression.

Every time she blinked or closed her eyes, all she heard was the rat-a-tat of gunshots, shouts, and the cries of the dying. Flashes of blood pierced her mind, the faces of the men she had killed and those they murdered.

She saw them everywhere, and guilt ate at her like acid. Her enemies made their own choices, and no one forced them to do anything, but their blood was still on her hands. She had not saved her friends. How did she fight so hard for them, and no one survived? Did she not do enough? Was it her lack of experience?

Kay sensed the others watching her but couldn't return to the house. She could not bear their pity, compassion, and, worst of all, their admiration. If she had done anything worth admiring, row upon row of white coffins would not stand in the ballroom, and their pack would not be in mourning for the second time in mere months.

Seeing Darius and Adrian deal with their grief while soothing the bereft was more than she could take. Tears kept leaking from her eyes, and she would have a harder time sleeping than ever.

***

"Kay was not ready for this," Claudia murmured, watching the succubus from her living room window.

"Nobody ever is," Adrian reminded quietly, and she nodded, leaning with her shoulder against the wall, her forehead resting against the cool glass.

"It seems unfair, isn't it? She survived years of torture at Azera's hands, and this happens just when she starts to have a normal life. This attack had forced her to kill, and it broke something inside of her that can't be fixed," she said quietly, and Adrian remained silent long enough that she thought her mother would not answer.

"Although this experience scarred her, I believe you are underestimating her. Right now, she needs to be alone to work through this. Kay always had to work through her suffering on her own and doesn't know how to deal with it in any other way, but when she's ready, she will need us. Since becoming a newborn, Kay has never received help or support and isn't used to being loved.

"Those things are a memory to her, of a long-ago world that is gone. Accepting our help and affection will be difficult, maybe even impossible." Adrian poured herself a cup of tea and curled up on the couch.

"Although she has become a part of us, she is also apart from us, not truly trusting us, our motives, or our acceptance. Despite her strength, people don't just walk away from prolonged trauma and are fine. She is far from it and hasn't really dealt with the past.

"During the last few years, she has developed major attachment issues, and this shock won't help. Kay is afraid to love people or things because she's terrified of losing them and protects her heart from that loss by keeping it locked up." She took a sip of tea and savored the taste. Claudia never shared her mother's love for tea; under different circumstances, she'd be ready for a coffee by now.

"It's not living, it's existing, and that is not enough. There was a time I lived like that, and it lasted almost a hundred years. There's no world where I will allow her to suffer as I did."

Something shifted in Adrian when she said those words, and Claudia sensed it, glancing at her mother. A frown tugged at her brow as sympathy twisted her heart, tainted by a brief flash of protective jealousy.

Despite Adiran initially accepting Kay as part of their pack, unlike Darius, she did not allow that closer bond to form. The one that would make the succubus not just part of their immediate family but a daughter in their home.

For reasons of her own, her mother resisted allowing Kay that close, protecting herself in the same way Kay did by guarding her heart against loss and hurt.

By making this choice, the barrier disappeared. When her mother loved somebody, trusted, and accepted them, she made them a part of herself, and it was a rare and extraordinary thing. Adrian could love without bounds and, scarily, hated with the same passion.

Claudia loved her parents in that same way and her stepmothers, too, despite everything. She wasn't sure if she could open herself up to the possibility of hurt, as Adrian did, by feeling the same way for people who were not close family. Not with the kind of love shining in her mother's gaze when she glanced out the window at Kay.

Adrian even accepted Marcus as if he were her son. The rapport between them grew rapidly and surely as if they had been family for ages, and her mother teased and mocked him in ways some of Marcus's own relatives would never dare.

When he looked at her mother, there was a fondness and respect there that he reserved for only a very select few. They had a lot in common; like her, he was a private man who gave of himself sparingly.

Darius was even more economical with his emotions. Although he accepted Marcus, it was more a friendly rivalry than a father-son relationship, and they were friends now, which happened gradually over many years. In contrast, Kay walked right into her father's heart.

Yes, the succubus reminded him of the daughter he lost, but more than that, he found a kindred spirit in Kay.

Claudia liked how they were together, and Kay was closer to Darius than most of their family, but the succubus' reserve didn't entirely dissipate even with him.

Her father noticed this, and although it worried and bothered him, he was patient and tactful with her, which he reserved for only those closest to him.

***

Adrian finished her tea and made her way to the door. Claudia stood aside for her mother to slide it open.

"I thought you said it was better to leave her be?" she teased, and her mother grimaced fleetingly.

"No, I was hedging; leaving Kay alone now will only make her more distant."

Claudia gently caught her arm, halting her.

"Do you think it is wise to push her?" she asked, concerned for her mother.

Predicting how Kay would react was difficult. Adrian turned to her with so much love shining in her eyes when she noticed the worry in her voice.

"Truthfully? I don't know, but I would not have left you alone. Therefore, I can't let her fight the darkness on her own," she murmured, and Claudia nodded.

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