Unspeakable - Phan

Four

W A R N I N G !

THERE MAY BE SOME TRIGGERING THEMES IN THIS CHAPTER

D A N

-

The air felt cold against my face. I was sat on my roof. I knew that if my dad caught me here, he'd yell at me. Throw me onto the floor. Hit me. But I was willing to take that risk.

I couldn't stand the dark. It felt so lonely. It felt like there were people in the shadows, silently judging you for being yourself. Judging you because you're different.

I mean, I wasn't scared of the dark outside. There were stars. It was the dark, when there's nothing to light up your way. It was petrifying. Scared me to death.

I wanted to speak. It was a goal. It was something that I wanted so, so bad. I opened my mouth, attempting to speak. Nothing came out. I tried again, and again, and again. In the end, I started sobbing.

I jumped off the roof of my house (because it wasn't that high), and ran. Ran nowhere in particular. I just wanted to run away from my problems, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Instead, I sat underneath a tree. 

It reminded me of when I sat with Phil at lunch. Phil. That sweet boy that made me feel all funny whenever he giggled, or smiled. That kind, caring boy.

After a few minutes, I decided to go back home. Not for a good reason, no. I wanted to express how much I hated myself. How terrible and pathetic I was.

I sprinted home and ran to my room, locking the door and going into my bathroom. I kept my razors here. My safe place. My haven. I took my razors from my cupboard and cut. I cut my thighs, my arms. I cut over old scars, and some fairly new ones.

I cut until I couldn't do it anymore. I was done with life. Done with trying. It was hard. Too hard. And whenever I tried to be happy, tried to give things a go I'd get put down.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and texted Phil.

I'm sorry Phil.

P H I L

It was midnight, and I sat in my bed upright. I couldn't sleep. I worried about Dan. He obviously wasn't okay, and when people were upset, they did things they'd regret.

My phone buzzed, and when I read what it said, I almost screamed. Two words that broke me. Two simple words.

I'm sorry.

Those two words made me fear for his life. I didn't know what to do. I texted him back, my hands shaking.

Dan, where are you. I'm coming over to help you.

My breathing was heavy. I stood up and put a coat on, feeling my phone buzz again.

I'm at my house. 23 brown street

I stuffed my phone in my pocket and started running to his house. When I found the house, I saw it was already slightly open. Quickly, I opened the door and ran up to what I thought was Dan's door.

"Dan?" I whispered, not wanting to wake his father up. I knocked on his door. "Dan!" I said, louder.

I was worried. Scared. Scared that he had hurt himself. I heard feet shuffling against the floor and the door unlocking.

What I saw in front of me nearly made me cry. Dan Howell, covered in scars. New and old ones. "Dan," I whimpered, my voice unsteady, "Dan, no. No no no no. Oh my god Dan. I'm sorry. This was my fault I'm so sorry. I'm sorry!"

I was crying. Even if it wasn't my fault, it upset me. He was upset. He shook his head. He took my hand and brought me into his room.

I sat on the floor with him, "Dan I don't want you to be upset. You don't deserve any of this. It upsets me that you did this. You're such an amazing person! I just..." I said, trailing off.

I took his hand, and squeezed it. "Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?" Dan nodded softly. I led him to the bathroom, and washed his arms and legs. 

"Dan, do you want to stay over at mine? I don't want you to be upset."

He smiled, nodding. I grinned, feeling excited, "Okay! Um, so, do you want to pack some of your stuff? I can wait outside."

He nodded, and I ran outside. I grinned widely to myself. I didn't know why, and I didn't know how to stop smiling.

Dan came back in a few minutes and we started walking to my house. "Okay, so we don't have any other rooms besides my parents and I don't want you to sleep on the couch, so are you alright to sleep with me? I mean, if you don't want to, its fine," I asked, my face beginning to grow red, for a reason that I didn't know.

He giggled, nodding. "So, you're sleeping with me? Cool."

We got there in a few minutes. I took Dan to my room, letting him put his stuff down. "So, you wanna get changed? You can go to the bathroom."

He nodded, and smiled. I sat on the end of my bed, closing my eyes. I thought about my family. How were they going? Did they miss me? Did they even care?

Dan set next to me and I grinned, opening my eyes, "We better get to bed! It's nearly one." He nodded

We got into bed, and I felt Dan wrap his arms around me.

"Goodnight, Danny."

-

WOWOWOWOW

THIS WAS BASED ON HOW I FELT TODAY

some of my thoughts were actually in this story

ANYWAYS I FEEL BETTER THANKS TO fandomsaway , THANKS FOR BEING THE BEST FRIEND

HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER, I SURE DID

ILY, BYE <3