The Art of Reconstruction (Andley)

11: Let Me Breathe Instead

I walked down the hotel hallway, smiling softly to myself. Kellin and Vic were back on track again and I was happy for them. However, it did make me think about on the crushing loneliness that had settled over me like a fog, clouding up my every thought with its miserable onslaught.

"You're up late."

I froze at the voice and sighed. I turned to look at Ashley where he stood behind me, a bucket hanging from his hand. "Yeah, but so are you," I countered with a raised eyebrow.

"Getting ice," Ash said, holding up the bucket and giving an awkward smile. "You know, your room's that way, right?" he said, pointing at the direction I came from. I rolled my eyes. Did he really think I was that stupid? "Of course I know that," I said. "I'm not that drunk. I got lonely and I was going to see if Juliet will let me stay in her room."

"Juliet's not back yet," Ash said quickly. "CC just texted me that he's not coming back at all tonight, so if you want you can come hang in my room for a little while."  I bit my lip as I had an internal war with myself.  Drunk me was completely open to the idea, but sober me was still a spiteful twat.  In the end, though, I smiled and nodded.  "Yeah, sure. Sounds good to me," I said.  Ashley returned my smile and started off toward his room.   I followed  him, trailing slightly behind him.  

He unlocked his room and held the door for me.   "So what have you been doing all night if you aren't out clubbing?" I asked, leaning against the desk.  Ash walked over to his nightstand and picked up a bottle of whiskey.  "Why do you think I wanted the ice?" he said.  I watched as he poured two glasses of the whiskey and handed one to me.  I took it with a grin.  "You mean to tell me you've been drinking alone?" I said, taking a sip.

"Yup. Pitiful, I know."

"Not pitiful," I replied. "Genius." Ash laughed and threw himself down onto the bed. Against my better judgment I sat down on the other side, stretching my legs out and propping my head up on a pillow. I took a massive gulp of the whiskey, letting it burn its way down my throat and warm my stomach. Ash looked over at me, his warm eyes twinkling. "So why didn't you go out with everyone else?" I asked.

Ashley shrugged noncommittally. "Didn't feel like it," he said. "I think I'm better off alone."   I turned my face toward him, frowning. "Now what makes you say that?" I inquired, tilting my head a little bit. Ashley opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it again, looking away from me. "Nothing," he sighed. I found that whole exchange a little odd, but I brushed it aside, unwilling to dwell on it for too long.

Ash and I spent a while like that–I couldn't tell you how long–talking and drinking until we were both laughing messes. It was a miracle neither of us got alcohol poisoning with how much of that shit we were shoving down our throats. It felt nice, though. It felt like all of my problems melted away like snow in the spring until nothing was left except Ashley.

"Hey, Andy, can I tell you something?"
Ash asked, looking at me so seriously that I had to laugh.

"Sure," I said once I had composed myself. "Go for it."

"I still love you," he said. At first I laughed because I thought he was joking, but there was no hint of humor on his face. His dark eyes never left mine and I found myself getting lost in those swirling pools of chocolate. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't. I stared at him for a moment longer, my lips parted and my eyes wide with surprise, before leaning in and crushing my lips against his. Ash kissed back immediately, his hand coming up to hold my face to his. It wasn't a slow, sweet kiss; it was desperate and messy, a frenzy of emotions.

I could taste the alcohol on his tongue, but I didn't care. It felt warm and familiar to kiss him. It was like seeing a friend for the first time in years. When he kissed me a sensation almost like relief washed over me. It felt like I'd been suffocating and all of a sudden I could breathe again. I loved him. I didn't want to, but I couldn't deny it when every fiber of my being was screaming it.