Mr.Carlile ~Cashby~ Collab with @BandShipper

Chapter 22

Shock horror, faith's finally written another chap for this! Lol enjoy ya filthy animals and merry Christmas :P

Alan's POV

Small talk, have I ever mentioned how much I hated small talk? I mean, a quick 'how's you?', 'how's work been?', 'what have you been up to?', is fine, exchanging such questions come as standard and are to be expected. However, when it get to the point you're asked 'how's the weather in Washington?', that is just a step too far. Sadly, that's exactly how it was with Austin while we sat eating dinner. Emotions where running pretty high between the two of us, the tension you could've cut with a blunt knife, there was a sense of uncertainty in the air, you could almost hear the thousands of questions running through mine and Austin's minds. And then, there was the sexual tension too, I couldn't deny it, I wanted him to rip off my clothes just as much as he said he did in his office.
Of course I didn't expect to get here and everything to be hunky dory, I guessed it might have been a bit...awkward at first, until we sat and outlined our relationship, but this was something else. I guess it wasn't aided by the fact Austin had now apologised twelve times for the brake down in his office, I could tell he was feeling embarrassed and quite possibly ashamed for it. After all it would've been the last thing you'd of ever expected to see come from Mr. Austin Robert Carlile, full time hot shot CEO and part time dominant in his free time. Not only that, he hasn't opened up, nor let anyone see him being even the slightest bit vulnerable since he was young, and yet, just forty minutes ago, that all crashed down, hitting like freight train. No doubt he was trying to adjust to that too, letting himself be an open book for the first time in who knows how long.

I knew we should probably discuss the outlines of our relationship right away, it might save some of the tension. However, at the same time, I just wanted to enjoy tonight with him, and worry about the details tomorrow, partly because I had no idea where on earth it would go if we came to a part we completely disagreed on. After all, the last time we disagreed didn't end so well.

"So, would you like to watch TV? Or go straight to bed?" Austin finally broke the silence that had been lingering in the air for the last five minutes, as he tidied up the utensils and plates.

"I'm pretty tired if I'm honest, working, then the flight, then, well, earlier, takes it out of a man." I let out a small, albeit force chuckle, trying to make it sound as light hearted as I could.

"Yeah, certainly does. Well, uh, if you'd like, you can take a shower and get ready in my bathroom, I'll shower and get ready in the guest one. Um, did you bring anything with you?"

"Oh yeah, Pete left it in the lounge as we weren't sure exactly how, you know, tonight was going to pan out, if I was going to be staying here or in what room."

"Oh, okay, well I'll go grab it for you and I'll show you to my room." Austin's whole body screamed awkward, the way he kept scratching the back of his head, licking his lips every thirty seconds, the way he barely made eye contact with me too.

"I know where your room is Aust."

"I know, I just...I want to show it to you properly, as I hope that I'll be...never mind." Austin turned to walk out the room, but thanks to my fast reflexes, I managed to jump from my seat at the table and grab his wrist to stop him.

"That you'll be what, Austin?"

"Doesn't matter, let's just go to bed."

"Austin Robert, don't do that. Don't just go to say something and just not...don't close up on me like that, that's not fair. If we're going to do this, you can't do that."

Austin let out a quite, but long sigh before he turned around to face me. "I know, it's just...it's like I'm learning to walk again after being paralysed for so long. It doesn't help that I feel like...I-I feel like I don't deserve you, or this chance. Or that I'm scared I'm going to royally screw this up again. Or that I'm so scared that I'm going to loose you in someway. And that I'm still coming to terms to being...this me again. Right now...it's all so...overwhelming. I've lost everyone I've ever loved or cared about in someway, I'm just-"