Trigger Warning
Sorry for never updating and when I do they end up being super sucky. Sort of based on Melanie Martinez's song Teddy Bear I advise listening to it before reading. Abuse and suicide, could trigger and make you suicidal, read with caution or not at all.
Phil POV
The label said to name you myself, so I did. Your dark brown fringe, a dimple on one cheek, earrings, you were gorgeous, even as a child I knew that. When I found you in that ditch you were broken but that was okay, I fixed you any ways.
Stitched you up, put you together with cotton and feather.
I used to get picked on for carrying a doll around with me, gender rolls saying no to boys with dolls but you were a boy too! Sometimes it felt like you were real, after all you were my only friend.
Gave you love, put my heart inside you, oh what could I do?
I always slept with you in my bed, though my dad was against it, yelling at my mother that it was wrong, that even if you were just a toy cuddling a boy whilst I slept was against god but you were never a toy to me any ways and what did his opinion matter? We were friends. You couldn't hurt me and god wouldn't mind.
When you started talking in your sleep saying things you'd do to me, I wasn't scared, I didn't care.
"I'll get you Phil, one slice at a time, one cut, one punch, one insult."
Now I'm finding knives under the sheets, crumbled photographs of me. I'm in despair, should I be scared?
Sharps things left in my bed that could hurt me or you, of course at first I figured we were both in danger, I never thought you would betray me. By the age of twelve I decided we were being stalked, hunted. Finding photos of me doing the most random things that no one unless they were in my room could of caught on camera, crumpled in my bed, red crosses on them and vulgar words. I told my parents, they didn't believe me, telling me to run off and play my game somewhere else so I knew the authorities wouldn't listen to the word of a child, I'd have to find out my own way.
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear, you were comforting and quiet how did love become so violent?
During these hard times you helped me, sometimes it felt like you hugged me back, then I'd find more sharp things behind my back. Was someone framing you? How were they doing it? It could only be my parents!
Oh teddy bear, you were my teddy bear. Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me.
I was growing suspicious. It was still going on a year later and I had a girlfriend for a while, I didn't like her that much and she was scared of you, telling me things you were doing but that was impossible, you were a doll, you couldn't be doing these things. I broke up with her. One night I woke up and you were facing me and there was a pair or scissors next to my head, that night you were put in my wardrobe, I didn't feel safe.
I threw you out, I didn't outgrow you, I just didn't know you. But now you're back, it's so terrifying how you paralyse me.
A month later I got rid of you, I wasn't too old for dolls I just felt different about you. It was three months later when I was walking home holding hands with my first ever boyfriend Charlie, you were on my doorstep. You were facing my way as if waiting for me to arrive home. There was water on your face, it wasn't raining. I stood still and stared at you. I bid Charlie goodbye, a hug and a kiss. Picked you up, ran I my room and sat you on top of my desk as I sat on my chair and stared at you. I felt trapped. I tried to put you in a bin, that didn't work. I tried to burn you, you didn't melt. Your face looked almost angry but you were a doll, you can't be angry.
Now you're showing up inside my home, breathing deep into the phone. I'm so unprepared, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't know what to do, I missed a week of school, I kept falling ill and finding things out of place and you'd be in different rooms. I felt sick, pathetic, scared.
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear. You were comforting and quiet how did love become so violent?
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear. Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me.
I kept tripping, things randomly in front of doors, I even stayed at Charlie's house for two weeks but when I came back it was worse. Why were you so mad?
I'm fucking scared.
I didn't know what to do anymore, you were driving me insane, you made me seem insane. I lost everyone because of you. I got so angry. I threw you across the room and you hit off a wall, your eyes rolling backwards and one arm made the clear sound of plastic breaking. I locked you in the attack, I don't know why I tried, you always come back.
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear. You were comforting and quiet how did love become so violent?
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear. Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me.
In the end Daniel, I looked it up on the internet and it came up with some weird stories but I couldn't bring myself to believe them so here I am, standing on the end of a bridge that is above crashing waves. Holding you in my hands I look into your eyes. The sadistic smile never left your face, painted on but the eyes that lay in your plastic head said it all. You were alive like every other, trapped in some body full of anger. Anger that drove me crazy so standing here at the age of eighteen, no family left nor no friends we both reach our end. Climbing over the edge onto holding half onto you and half onto the rail on the bridge I mutter words before it all goes dark, my mind is at peace and my eyes close for the final time.
"Forgive me god, for men and for sins I have crossed you and I am crossing you again one last time. Undoing the wrong you have done. I'm no longer scared."
