Golden Snow - Bennoda

Chapter Eleven

Author's Note: This chapter is going to be full of Jay's journal entries and will skip between them so you'll see numbers jump to show it was however long ago.

Entry 1:

I was walking around the woods and found this house. It was weird and creepy, windows barred and a padlock on the door. I was about to turn and leave, freaked out by this house, but something - no, someone - caught my eye. I only saw them for a brief moment. It was a boy I think. He looked bright but his eyes were so dark. I only saw him walk across the barred window before he disappeared. I'm feeling intrigued by this strange boy living in this creepy house. I wonder if he's alone in there.

Entry 8:

I waited outside that creepy house in the woods for a couple nights, hoping to see that boy again. I waited by a tree and slept there. I had brought a backpack of things I need, including my medication, my mom didn't even notice I was gone.

Anyway, I was just about to leave when I saw that boy and now I'm sure he was a boy. I got a good look at him. He sat on this little ledge just behind the bars on the window and gripped them. He looked like a prisoner. A lost soul. Empty. I felt bad because of how hurt he looked. I couldn't believe how cute he was though...

I never once thought myself gay but now I just don't know. That boy was adorable. His brown eyes just looked to the world in confusion, as if he didn't know what he did to deserve his life. He was drowning in his misery and... I liked that. His sorrow was so enticing. It was hot in a way. He was miserable and I loved it.

I'm going to wait to see him again from the window. Maybe he'll notice me.

Entry 13:

I knocked on the door today. I wanted to see the boy but a man opened the door. He looked big and tough. I lied and said I was a friend of the boy who lived there, not having a plan, and he said it was impossible because Chester didn't have any friends. The boy's name is Chester. I really like that name. It's different.

I lowered the dosage of my medication. My mom hasn't noticed. I don't think I act any differently without my required dose but I suppose I wouldn't be able to tell anyhow. When I get to be with Chester, I want to be off my medication. I want to feel him while I'm feeling me.

Entry 20:

He escaped today. Chester ran away from his home. I saw him make his way out his front door and I caught him. I was waiting to see him again by the now familiar tree. I can't recall exactly what happened and what was said but this is what I remember:

"Chester, wait!" I called him and grabbed his arm, bringing him to a stop. He looked to me with panic written across his face. I realized just how soft his skin was.

"Wh-who are you?" He asked in such a sweet voice. It was so gentle and full of passion and sadness.

"I'm Jay. Where are you going?" I asked him and he seemed odd... Like he didn't understand what was happening. I pulled him closer to me and put a hand on his waist. He flinched but I held him steady. He whimpered a little when I squeezed his arm in excitement and lowered my other hand a little, my fingers brushing against him. "Shh, it's okay."

"Let go of me," He said softly, looking at my hand holding his arm. He made eye contact with me and I felt weak. My arm slowly released him and he took that moment to take off away from me.