It would be easy to damn move on, if you haven't fell so hard. So fucking hard that you'll almost die from drowning. It would be damn easy if I haven't laid everything for him. Na hindi ko lang sa kanya pinaikot ang mundo ko, kasi sa katunayan lang, nakakapagod na rin. Nakakapagod na ako na lang yung lumalaban, nagmakakaawa, umaasa.
"Let's drink some more!" ani ni Jen sabay tagay ng shot glass niya at itinaas pa sa ere. Mas mukha siyang broken hearted sa aming dalawa, she looks so wasted kasi.
I laughed. "Anong tinatawa tawa mo Klarisa! Bottom's up!"
Alright. She's drunk already. I just let her be, since nasa condo lang naman niya kami.
"Nagseselos ako Jas. I shouldn't feel this, pero nagseselos ako." wika ko, one time nang nagkatampuhan kami. He went to my condo dahil ayaw kong pumunta sa kaniya.
He told me kasi na he's with his buddies, hanging out and chilling. Pero ano tong dadatnan ko? Pagkalabas ko ng coffee shop kanina, ay saktong pagpasok niya. Nakaakbay pa siya! And they seemed to be having a good time.
"Baby!" gulat niyang sabi. Agad niyang tinanggal ang pagkakaakbay kay Claire. Sumimangot siya. Tss. What a flirt!
Tumaas ang kilay ko. Naiinis ako. Naiinis! "Magkakape din kayo?" tanong ko. Ayokong manghinala agad because I love and trust Jas. Three years, I invested three years, so I better trust him with this one.
Pero nagseselos ako. First of all, he lied! Pwede naman niyang sabihin na si Claire lang kasama niya.
Hindi umimik si Jas. As if weighing the words he's gonna say. Hindi naman ako nathethreaten sa ex niya! What triggered my jealousy is him, lying to me.
"Una na ko. See you later." I said and kiss Jasper's cheeks. Konsensya niya na if he ever cheats.
Dumeretso ako sa unit ko. Changed into more comfy clothes at tinitigan ang phone ko, waiting for his text or what. I want him to reassure me, and ease this feeling I don't want to feel.
6 pm na ng magtext siya sa akin. Ang haba naman ng bonding time nila ng ex niya?
From: Jas
Klarissa, why aren't you home?
His message melted my rage towards the incident earlier. It softens my anger, my jealousy. He's looking for me.
Maya maya may magdoorbell. I got up, and see who's outside.
I opened the door, to see Jasper's worried look.
He suddenly hugged me. "God! Akala ko iniwan mo na ko." I just let him be. Kahit kinikilig ako sa gesture niya, gusto kong magpalambing. Magpakipot. I want him to know that I'm jealous and effin' mad for his deeds a while ago.
Nang bumitaw siya sa yakap ay sinara ko anh pintocat dumeretso sa couch. I opened the television, and look for any interesting show.
"Babe..." umupo siya sa tabi ko. I remained silent.
Hinawakan niya ng marahan ang baba ko, at hinarap ito sa kaniya. I am now faced with those pair of worried brown eyes. Those eyes that I always loved. Those eyes...
Nahihirapan akong tingnan siya ng deretso. Because doing so, I would easily give in.
He closed his eyes, and closed the distance between us, as I felt his lips on mine. Gently nibbling my lower lip, savoring me.
Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko, I kissed him back. Slowly, gently, surely... Nabibingi ako sa bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. As if they're racing their beats on a certain tempo.
"I'm sorry." he said after I broke the kiss.
He held my hand, and gripped it tightly.
"Klarissa, I'm so sorry for lying. Its just that..."
"What Jas?"
"Ayokong magselos ka. Wala lang sakin si Claire. I swear! Mahal na mahal kita."
"Pero nakaya mong magsinungaling sa akin?" I could taste the bitterness on my mouth.
Hinatak niya ko palapit sa kaniya. Hugged me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Baby..." he kissed my neck and held my hand again. But this time, I felt something cold. Something metal. I looked down to see a ring on my finger! There's a friggin' ring!
My jaw dropped at the sight of it. I'm lost for words. Lahat ng pagtatampo at pagkainis ko, parang lumipad bigla palabas.
"J-Jasper..." feeling ko maluluha na ko. Nakakainis naman eh! I was supposed to be mad. Pero ito siya!
He cupped my face, "Baby, this ring, ito yung rason bat ko kasama si Claire. Because I was asking an advice from her since she's the only girl I could trust with this aside from you."
"Klarissa..." his eyes, full of sincerity and love. "I love you so damn much! The moment na I saw you smiled at the cafeteria. This ring is a sign that my heart will always belong to you and only you. Sayo lang ako. This is my promise for you. I cannot envision my future without you in it. Mahal na mahal kita." and then he kissed me.
I took another shot of my drink as I recall those times na feeling ko, I was the happiest woman alive. A tear escaped when I closed my eyes, feeling the bitterness of the alcohol I just drank.
Ang sakit pa rin talaga. Sobrang sakit, na halos masuffocate na ko. Na halos hindi na ko mahinga. Na halos ikamatay ko na...
Napatingin ako sa kamay ko, andoon pa rin yung singsing. It never left my finger, like him, he never left my heart. Siya pa rin eh. Siya lang talaga.
How dare he! Mangangako siya pero di niya tutuparin. A future without me my ass!
But this will be the last time I would be mourning for this crap. Because tomorrow, I'm gonna... What Klarissa? Anong gagawin mo bukas?
I was left dumbfounded. It makes me feel frustrated na ibinato ko sa pader ang basong hawak ko.
"Hey bitch! Careful with my room!" Jen shouted.
"Akala ko ba mag momove on ka?"
Inirapan ko na lang siya. I'm not yet drunk but I'm slightly tipsy. I got up at kumuha ng walis at dust pan. I cleaned the mess I made.
Yeah right.
This will be the fucking last time I will cry for you, Jasper De Silva.
