I woke up from the sound of my loud doorbell and the continuous vibrating of my phone.
Ugh. Anong oras na ba? I turned to my watch and it's 9 in the evening. Ang haba pala ng tulog ko. I quickly got up, medyo sumakit pa ulo ko sa biglaang pagtayo kaya pumikit ako ng mariin.
Damn.
"Alright! Alright! I'm coming!! Just stop murdering my door!!" I shouted. Mas lalo kasing sumasakit ulo ko sa ingay ng katok at ng doorbell ko.
"What?!" bungad ko pagkabukas ko ng pinto. It was Jen, Khai and him.
Bigla tuloy nagising ang diwa ko and I suddenly felt concious on how I look right now. Shit. Di ko inaasahan to.
Khai hugged me. So freakin tight.
"A..air." I whispered dahil pakiramdam ko mababali n ang spinal cord ko sa yakap niya.
"Fck. I was really worried!" and then he burried his self more to my neck. Ni hindi ako makagalaw. What is he doing?
Nakita ko ang pagtataka sa mukha ni Jen and sa mukha ng katabi niyang nagseselos. Ayokong mag assume pero sa nakikita kong pag-iwas ng kaniyang muka at pagkunot ng noo, he is. I know him too well that I can't deny the jealous look on his face.
I feel slightly happy but I brushed that feeling away immediately. Ayoko ng umasa.
"Okay. Okay." I said akwardly while pushing Khai away.
Medyo naiilang din ako sa yakap niya sa akin.
I cooked dinner since kanina pa raw silang 8 kumakatok sa pinto ko.
"Akala ko ba lalabas ka ngayon Klarissa? Like seriously! We were really worried. Akala namin napano ka na or what."
Apparently, she and her boyfriend went out and went to BGC. Date daw, and then she remembered me telling her na gagala, so she thought that its better na kasama ako para di raw ako lonely.
"I've been texting and calling you non stop! I even asked Jasper dahil akala ko magmamakaawa ka ulit!" naibagsak ko ang hawak kong sandok sa sinabi niya.
Ganon ba talaga ako kadesperada sa paningin niya? She thought na uulitin ko iyon?
"I'm.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" she trailed off.
I turned off the stove at inilipat ko ang niluto ko sa plato.
Alam ko naman, na ang tanga ko para gawin yun. Masisisi niya ba ako kung sadyang hindi ko kakayanin na mawala ang taong minahal ko ng sobra? She do not have any idea how hard it was! How painful and how humilating it is for me. Hindi niya alam kung anong isinugal ko.
Yeah, she witnessed everything but she doesn't know how its like to be in my shoes.
Alam kong nag-aalala lang siya but what she said crossed the line.
Pumunta na ako ng sala para tawagin sila Khai. Buti na lang at hindi nila narinig ang pinag-uusapan namin because I would walk out and leave. Di bale na ang trabaho bukas.
"Kain na kayo." tumayo na sila at nagtungo ng dining. My eyes are fixed to his back. I used to give him hugs from behind everytime he's cooking or just whenever I feel like it.
I guess I just have to accept it. That it would all be in the past now. Wala ng kami.I just have to face it and slap it hard to my face.
Gusto ko mang magkulong sa kwarto para iwasan siya but that would make me a coward. So I chose not to. I want to be strong enough, brave enough to smile at him in the future. Yung pwede ko na siyang batiin without any feeling of uneasiness and pain.
Someday.
