gina

intro

It's been three months.

Three months since my best friend since the fourth grade would be gone forever.

Three months since I had an ounce of happiness.

Three months since Jay committed suicide.

I often questioned why he would do such an act, as he was always elated. However, as the years progress, I understand why he was so depressed. It's easy to fake a smile, to go to school and laugh it off, and come home only to feel worse. Would I know because it's happening to me now? I don't know. What happened to Jay affected us all. But what I felt was personal. It was always Jay and Gina. Now it's Gina and Gina alone. Was it because I never saw it coming? No, I always knew there was something wrong, but he always told me otherwise. I sometimes could smell the alcohol on him, see his gushing red eyes, his countenance often melancholy and unable to show content. But still, I didn't question it. Stupid me! I should have known he wasn't okay. It's all my fault. Jay's dead because of me, and I'm gonna die next. I'm gonna die because of my own dumb actions. I know it, I feel it, I just know it.