gina

commitments

I never was able to think about commitment, what a funny word.

Marriage, partners, even something as tiny as profile pictures.

I can never commit to them.
I will never be able to commit to them.

But I know one thing I'm willing to commit.

I can't say it, it's like a dirty word to me.

It's like a curse word, but worse.

Because curse words, once spoken, are spoken, and can be taken back.

This word, this action, can't be taken back. It stays, it leaves a mark on me. I know I have to do it, how else am I supposed to escape? How else am I supposed to be content? The world will be better off without me, anyway. No one, no world wants a depressed, suicidal teenager. There's too many, so why bother. My mom almost never cares nor notices me. Sure, Sebastian fancies me a little and so do I, but it's only a matter of time before he leaves me too. I'm so tired of being criticized by everyone for everything. I'm so tired of being depressed. I'm so tired of trying, and it's getting me nowhere.
I know I'm dying because of my actions.

Jay, I'm coming with you.