Saving Riley

Chapter 18- Hurting

Please note this chapter has a some sexual violence in. Hopefully Its not too bad, however if you feel uncomfortable with it, please skip the 2nd paragraph.

I was currently huddled in a cosy dark corner of the library, lost in music and a Rachel Vincent novel, the smell of the tuna pasta that clung to my hair was making me nauseous. Since Hunter and Tiffany's little game  couple of weeks ago my life has been made a misery. I know I can stand up for myself normally right? Yeah I thought that too, but recently, things have just got too much. Tiffany seem out to get me, even after all that's happened, wherever I go she has people following me. She has eyes everywhere I don't have anything to stand up for. Casey tried to help me, but to be honest I've not been the best company and she's just got her first boyfriend its natural that they want to spend time together. I'll never come between her boyfriend and first love, its always magical and I don't want to taint that.

Today, had by far been the worst day, rumours were going round that I was a whore, and I charged for sex, as I was walking to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich, I was pulled into the janitor's closet, where I was pinned to the door, one heavy arm against my throat as someone's hand felt about in my underwear, before they got any further I was saved by the janitor as he opened the door making my attackers scarper, I didn't get to see their faces. I did know that I was bleeding down below though I could feel it seeing through my knickers. My eye hurt where I was punched, I bit my attacker he must have caught me with his ring.

My cheek was stinging, the blood on the cut over my eye started to slowly drip down my face and splattered on to the pages of the book. I bought my phone out of my pocket and looked at the time. The screen was cracked from the beating I received yesterday, whilst walking to my car after school I was set upon from behind, no one stopped to help and I didn't see my attacker. In the process of falling I landed on the pocket where I keep my phone. The background on my phone was my favourite picture or Hunter and I we were on my bed sharing a pair of headphones smiling like crazy people at each other. I didn't have the heart to change it. I seemed to have lost all of my fighting spirit, what once made me strong and guarded was broken, leaving me open and wounded. Humiliated. I let my guard down so easily and now I was hurting. What a bitch life was. Its my own stupid fault.

I made my way to the last lesson of the day because the lesson I just missed has both Hunter and Tiffany in, I couldn't face them both. I loved music and I'll never run away from the release it can give. Hunter was sat at  the back head down and resting on his hands. He wouldn't meet my eyes, he never did. His black baseball cap that he always wore backwards was pulled low over his eyes. The sleeved of his guns & roses t-shirt were pulled tight over the huge muscles of his back and arms. The tattoos on his arms that made me made with lust now made him look angry and unapproachable.  I was momentarily stunned with the beauty of him. I tore my eyes away when I realised that I was staring and the teacher was calling me up to the front. We'd have to play two songs that currently described how we were feeling in our lives.

I  made my way to the front of the room with my guitar slung over my shoulder. I gingerly sat on the stool at the front after adjusting the microphone, my back and legs hurt after todays little get together and I winced letting a little yelp of pain out, I couldn't help the stray tear that defiantly made its way down my cheek. I ignored the pitying looks and started to play my first song was an acoustic version of Stone Sours-Hesitate, It was once of mine and Hunter's favourites but still I felt like shit and this song said anything I ever needed to say. I could feel Hunter's eyes on me but I didn't make eye contact. I refused. I was aware of further tears making their way down my cheeks, I fought the urge to brush them away, as I was still playing. I ignored the round of applause I received and put the CD full of music only on and skipped to the 4th track. My second song was pretty much the soundtrack to my life since Adam died,  Good Charlotte- Hold on. When I was singing, I felt empowered as I defiantly sung my anger to my tormentors. Feeling momentarily re-energised after my little sing song I calmly walked over to my desk and grabbed my bag, taking my guitar with my and walked away from music class, I ignored the shouts of my teacher, instead I put my headphones in and bolted out the large school doors.

As I burst through the doors I took big gulps of much needed air, I felt like I was suffocating. The sooner I got to work the better, sure I'd be a little early, but I'm sure mama was run off the feet with the rush after school lets out.

Later that night....

I thought someone was in for a huge arse kicking when mama saw my face, she'd been used to me coming in with injuries of late, but for some reason this fucking cut wouldn't stop bleeding. So now 3 hours later I was currently placing lasagne in front of a customer the steri-strip pulling my cut eyebrow back together, I fought the urge to tear the stupid thing off, every time I tried mama would slap my hand away. I turned as the bell above the door tinkled and I turned to see who had moved into the booth next to me. Almost groaning aloud as I did so. I looked up plastering a fake welcoming smile on my face,

'Well, hello fatty, I'm surprised you can fit through the door, spending all your time here, isn't all the food too tempting for you?' I looked to see the delighted eyes of Tiffany.

I ignored the pain in my gut at the weight jibe, she was right, I wasn't the skinniest, or the prettiest, I knew that, I was told every day. That's why Hunter is here with her instead of me.

'Hello, Tiffany, Hunter, Welcome to Mama's what can I get you?'

'Well fatty I'll have the salad and a water, what do you want Hunter baby?' she cooed leaning her fake chest towards his face before planting a sloppy wet kiss across his lips. He turned his head sharply so she caught thin air.

'I'll have a burger with fries and a coke please?' he didn't quite meet my eyes.

I went back to the kitchen to prepare their order, taking a big breath as I burst through the kitchen doors.

'Mama, I can't do this. I can't be strong like you said, it hurts too much,' I felt her arms wrap around me as I gave in to the overwhelming urge to cry, I felt the big wracking sobs over take my body, as I slumped against her, taking comfort in the only mother figure I've ever known.

'Listen to me Riley, look into my eyes not at the floor, You are better than this, do you hear me Riley Evans? You wipe those tears away, stick those phony things in you ears as you serve them and you forget the world ok. Plaster a big fake smile over you face and show that little bitch she won't hurt you. Do you hear me Riley?'

I nodded and plugged my earphone in one ear grabbed the tray of food and walked towards their table. Hunter had his head resting against the booth seat hat over eyes, stone sour-hesitate blasting through the speakers, he was fast asleep. God he looked so cute. Sure to everyone else, he'd look menacing and quite intimidating, he was big and his muscled bulged with every movement. He was chewing on his lip ring as he slept I loved it when he did that, I dis the same to mine.

'Hey Fatty get you fucking eyes off my man, are you fucking stupid? How many ways does he have to reject you, do you know he takes great pleasure in telling me how great in bed I am compared to you, do you know that? He says your like fucking a blow up doll' she sneered.

I looked over towards Sam, the other waiter and he nodded at me, anticipating my next move. I slammed the plates on the table and ran out the back, grabbing my bag and car keys as I did so.

I started up my car as quickly as I possibly could and drove home as fast as I could. Ignoring Alex as I darted upstairs to my room I grabbed the box under my bed and shut myself in the bathroom. I shoved the sleeve up my arm and pulled out the shiny razor blade and bought it down against my skin. It felt so good to feel the pain, almost like a release, like your releasing all the pent up emotions from your body, I looked down towards the blade against my arms delighting in the blood that had pooled around the blade. After a few more cuts, I dropped the blade on the floor. No more short sleeved t-shirts for me, I had quite the collection of cuts now. I don't want to add to my collection of names fatty, whore, desperate, emo freak what else could the possible throw at me.

I felt my eyes drifting shut as darkness over took me, not realising blood was freely flowing down my arms. I didn't hear Alex's screams or pleas for help, I didn't hear him ring for the ambulance or the frantic cries of worried paramedics as they tried to stop the bleeding.