Disclosure - a Ziall fanfiction

Chapter Five - Falling

Zayn

The days after THAT night were agonizing. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I just couldn't find anything to talk about. What was I supposed to say? I didn't want to bring up what he had told me, in case he didn't want to think about it, and for all my life I just couldn't figure out anything else to say. And he didn't talk to me either. The atmosphere between us was... electric. Every time he looked at me, it felt like getting a shock through every nerve in my body. I could feel it when he walked into a room. But because it got awkward, and because I hated the silence, I avoided him.

I walked huge detours to avoid bumping into him, and if he came into a room, I walked out of it. If I was planning to watch TV, and he was there, I did something else instead. And I was willing to swear he did the same.

The thing was, I knew what this was. Because I had felt like this before, just not this strong, when I first met Perrie. I remembered how she was constantly on my mind, how it felt like I was stalking her and avoiding her at the same time. There was nothing I loved more than talking to her, and at the same time, it was terrifying to say anything in front of her.

I recognized these feelings. Even though I didn't like it, I was beginning to realize I was feeling the same for Niall as I felt for Perrie; even though I didn't want to, I was falling for him. Hard.

Weeks passed. We finished the Up All Night tour, and we released the Take Me Home album in November. Of course, things got less awkward as time passed, and we acted pretty normal around each other after a while. But my feelings didn't fade. Instead, they grew on me. I tried to ignore it, but I had to admit to myself I had fallen in love with Niall. And it freaked me out, because of two things;

First of all, I still cared about Perrie - a lot. She was the sweetest, funniest girl I had ever met, and my very best friend. I liked kissing her, and I loved telling her what she meant to me. But it felt like I was lying to her. Every time I told her I loved her, a little voice in my head whispered almost as much as I love Niall, and every time I looked into her blue eyes, I thought about how Niall's eyes was just a shade brighter. God, how I hated it. I was scared that if I didn't get control over my feelings, I would hurt her. I didn't want that. She didn't deserve that.

Secondly, I was scared. Even though I told myself that in the 21st Century, people would tolerate the same-sex-aspect of it, I wasn't completely sure if I believed it. Also, gay... that's a scary word. It made me think of hair dressers and parades and feminine guys. I didn't feel like that, didn't identify with it. I just loved Niall.

But the worst of all was that all of this was absolutely irrelevant; I would probably never have to face this, because I was positive that Niall was straight as a ruler.

I knew he would never, ever be mine. Or so I thought.

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Niall

The morning after *that* night, and in the weeks that followed, I quickly realized I was having a crush on Zayn. He was literally constantly on my mind.

After I got over the shock of crushing on my best mate, I started imagining what it would actually be like to be with him. I started having these daydreams about him, a great deal of them pretty dirty, but also a good bunch where he was declaring his undying love for me. I started forgetting my stuff everywhere and crashing into trees and lamp posts, because my mind wasn't where I was. I felt like a twelve-year-old girl, and I knew Zayn was taken - but to me, that didn't matter. It felt right to be around him, I relaxed whenever he was around me. And I just couldn't understand how I hadn't realized how gorgeous he looked.

Zayn, on the other hand, was acting weird. I had hoped that the night where I broke down to him would bring us closer, but instead, it seemed to bring us further apart. Sometimes, I thought he actually avoided me. Was he still freaked out by the awkwardness of cuddling his best mate to sleep?

I started having these huge mood swings, and I felt either really optimistic, or really depressed. On my optimistic days, I found myself remembering all the times he had told me he cared about me, hugging me, or laughing at my jokes, and I convinced myself he was acting awkward because he was deeply in love with me. On my bad days, I was sure the reason he avoided me, was that he didn't like me, that he was sick of being around me, things like that.

All the time, I watched him around Perrie. Kissing her, holding her, laughing with her. And by the end of November, I was absolutely green with jealousy.

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A/N: Watch the video please!!!

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