Q looked towards my mom, then back towards me. Just as he was about to form a sentence, my dad walked into the kitchen.
"What's going on in here?" He asked, clearly aware of the unusual atmosphere.
The three of us remained quiet and I looked towards my mom, just waiting for her mouth to open and for all of this to come crumbling down more than it had done already.
"Jess was just telling me how she was moving out, so I asked Q for some help with moving some of her things." She stated confidently, looking me dead in the eyes.
I glanced her a look, taken aback from what she had just said. The realization of there being no lie in her words suddenly hitting me, she really meant it. She was seriously kicking me out.
"Oh, really? Where are you going to go?" My dad questioned, sounding confused that he hadn't heard anything about me moving out prior to this situation.
My mom looked at me, waiting for me to give an answer to him. She wanted to put me on the spot, to pressure me.
"Uh, just moving in with a friend." I answered quietly, trying my best not to stammer whilst thinking of something from the top of my head.
"Well make sure you've got enough energy, this girl's got a lot of stuff" my dad said, walking past Q and tapping his shoulder. Q forced a small laugh back.
This could not be happening. I get that my mom was upset, and I should feel grateful that she hadnt mentioned anything to my dad, but she could have given me a little notice before throwing me out like she did.
"You should probably finish of that packing you were doing. You don't want it to be too dark outside when you're moving your things" My mom chirped in, smiling at me.
I know I was in the wrong here but surely she was being just plain unreasonable? I couldn't bear to look at her after those words fell so easily out of her mouth. How could someone do that to their own daughter? But then again.. How could someone do what I was doing to their own father? Maybe the punishment wasn't as severe as I had made it seem in my head, but either way it still seemed cruel.
I made my way back up to my bedroom, Q following. As soon as I entered my room, I flopped onto my bed face first. I didn't know what to do, or where to start, or what to take. I felt the bed sink as Q sat down next to me, slowly rubbing his hand soothingly up and down my back.
I turned over so I was now laying on my back and looked towards him.
"Did you really mean what you said down there?" I couldn't help myself from asking. Maybe my timing was a little off, but I had to make sure that all of this wouldn't be for nothing. No matter how bad it got or was about to get.
"I don't say things that I don't mean" he said calmly, looking over his shoulder at me laid there. In that moment, I had no idea if he wanted to hear the same words back, but all I could do was look at him, taking everything from this afternoon in. Especially what he had said. "Come on. Let's get some of your things together." he patted my thigh as he stood up, clearly changing the subject. Maybe he felt uncomfortable that I hadn't reciprocated such feelings back. I got up, groaning as I walked over to my drawers. Pulling out my clothes and setting them out onto the bed, deciding which ones to take. Q walked out from my closet with a small duffle bag, holding it up. "Just take some clothes for tonight, I'll bring you back tomorrow and we can collect the rest of your things" he said as he threw the bag by my feet.
"But what about your flight?" I asked, worried. I didn't want him to feel pressured into helping me when he had places to be.
"I can push it back a little further. After all this is kinda my fault too." He sighed. Now helping me pull the remaining items of clothes out of my drawers. He pulled out the red lingerie set that I had worn for him in Chicago, holding it up against himself, looking down at it. "You should definitely take this" he said, now looking me in the face.
"You're ridiculous." I laughed, grabbing it from him and throwing it into the bag. It was at moments like these when he knew I needed something to lighten the mood, that I appreciated him the most. Instead of asking me what was wrong, or how I felt, most of the time he already knew. We were pretty in tune with one another, and I was just so glad that he decided to make me laugh rather than make me live through everything that made me feel anything but happy by talking about it.
"Say what you want, you still put it in."
"Because I'm packing everything, moron. I am essentially homeless at this point."
"I've already asked you to come back to New York with me for a while. The offer still stands." He replied, sliding the empty drawer shut.
"I can't just go across the country when I've got nowhere to come back to..I need something ready."
"So stay with me until you find a place back here. Better than sleeping in a store door way, no?"
"I'll ask Kara if I can stay with her." I said. Q huffed angrily, slamming the new drawer that he had just began to open. "And what was that for?" I questioned, pointing at the drawer set.
"Why do you never let me help? With anything? I'm offering you everything here and you completely avoid it like it's nothing. What thanks do I even get for trying?"
"I'm not avoiding that. I was about to say thank you for the offer.."
"Thanks for the offer but.."
"Thanks for the offer, but, I'll stay with Kara until I can get a place of my own." I finished.
"You're so unreasonable." Q shook his head.
"I'm unreasonable?" I spat. How was I in any way unreasonable?
"You act so obstructive. You purposely go out of your way to push me aside. Especially in times when you need me the most. I told you I loved you, for Gods sake. What response did I even gain out of that? That damn blank stare just now?"
"What do you want me to say to that, Q?" I asked.
"You really were just in this for the sex, weren't you?"
"Oh, don't flatter yourself." I tried to joke, sitting down on the bed. I didn't want this to turn into yet another petty argument, because to me this wasn't just sex. I was still having an extremely hard time trying to comprehend what Sal had told me not so long ago. About how he'd always leave before anything got remotely serious. I wasn't looking to put my feelings out there, for them to be viciously manhandled by him leaving. "Come here." I said, as I patted the spot next to me. He walked over, sitting down so that he was facing me. "I do have feelings for you.." I placed my hands on either side of his face. "I'd be an idiot not to. These past few months..they've been incredible.."
"Why do I sense another but coming here?" He asked as he pulled himself away from my grasp.
"But I'm just not ready for this to be anything more. Not while we're still lying to people" I lied. I couldn't tell him the truth, I already had enough stress from todays events, I couldn't handle having him yelling at me too.
"Right." Is all he said in response. I knew my answer wasn't what he wanted exactly, but he knew the reason I had given made sense. It luckily would give me the time I needed to make sure that whatever was brewing between the two of us, would last long enough so that I knew it would be for keeps without any doubts of our future.
"I'm gonna call Kara, ask if it's okay with me staying with her. Okay?"
"Yup." He replied quick, watching me as I got up, grabbing my cell phone off of the night stand.
Of course I felt guilty for what I had said, and the lack of emotions expressed back was probably the most awful thing that could happen to anybody. But I wasn't ready to get my heart broken. Not ready at all.
