It had been just over a week since Q had left, and during that time we had had absolutely no contact whatsoever. The weird part is that it had never stopped me from checking my phone every hour to see if he had made any attempts, but that had only left me feeling disappointed. At this moment, he'd be on the last day of his cruise, so I kept my phone even closer, just waiting for that one text or phone call to let me know that he was ready to talk again.
Scrolling through social media, I could see pictures that he was getting tagged in and the smiles that he had in each and every one of them. That was the life that he wanted to live and he was living it - enjoying it, too. He wouldn't want to be tied down by a girlfriend and a baby. There was no way.
As I continued to see more and more of the adventures of the cruise, I decided it was time to turn my phone off. At least until I knew that he was back on land again. I tried to tell myself that maybe he didn't text at all because he hadn't had the time to even look at his phone. He was hosting the cruise, afterall. As much as I believed otherwise, I had to try and at least believe it for my own peace of mind. Stressing over every small matter to do with him was just about driving me insane, and the stress was definitely not ideal for me or the baby.
The reality of being pregnant was finally beginning to feel extremely real. Although I wasn't showing any physical signs just yet, the cravings had finally decided to rear their ugly little heads - that was when the morning sickness wasn't busy kicking my ass, anyways. Heading out of the apartment, I decided to go and pick up some food. What I wanted, I did not know yet. However, I did know that it was something of the fattening and fried variety. I drove to the nearest fast food restaurant and ordered myself a burger and fries. As I waited for my order to be processed, I caught myself unknowingly watching a father and his young daughter, she had to be around two years old. I watched as he smiled as she did things any ordinary person would do daily, but to him it was special because it was his child, and it got me wondering if I would ever get to see that side of Q. I had seen him with my little brothers many times, and he had told me a couple of stories about his nephews who were around the same age, so he didn't have some secret phobia about children. I guess I just wanted to know why he was so against having any of his own. I had seen and uncovered so many caring and decent qualities about this man, everything that showed he had great potential to be a father, so why was he so against it?
My mind was suddenly pulled out of the sudden flood of thoughts as the server was repeatedly trying to gain my attention.
"Sorry" I forced a smile, shaking my head from everything filling my brain. "I was in my own little world for a second there" I laughed.
"Sometimes it's the best place to be" she returned the smile, handing over my order as I paid her. She was very correct, indeed.
As I scoffed the last of my hamburger, the feeling of over eating soon overtook my body. My eyes were definitely bigger than my belly, this time. Well..for now, anyway. Looking down at my stomach, looking plump from the result of all the food I had just devoured, I began thinking about the next steps I would have to take in this pregnancy. I hadn't the first idea of what happens, or when everything would start to happen, so as soon as I got home I would book myself an appointment at the hospital to check it everything was alright and to get some more information. Of course I should have waited until Q was on board so we could do these things together considering we were both the parents, but something told me that he wouldn't be all as inquisitive as I was right now. I wouldn't want to freak him out by all of the questions that I was dying to ask and all of the baby talk that followed after, I needed a slower approach with him. Especially considering the disastrous attempts to get him to even accept the news. I had to wait until he was ready, I couldn't bear the hostility, or him blaming me for pressuring him when it was the last thing that I had planned to do.
