CAST (in order of appearance)
Louis
Niall
Zayn
Liam
Harry
Train Conductor
OUTSIDE OF POLAR EXPRESS
Louis:
All right, lads, does everyone have their ticket?
Niall:
Yes.
Zayn:
Yes.
Liam:
Yes.
Harry:
Yes.
Louis:
Jolly good. And Niall, you've got the cookies for Santa?
Niall:
Yeah, buddy.
Louis:
Jolly good. I thought it'd be nice to bring cookies for Santa.
Zayn:
Just in case saving his life isn't enough?
Niall:
Right?
Louis:
Jolly good, then. Let's get on board.
Liam:
I don't get it, though. Why are we taking a train?
Louis:
To get to the North Pole.
Niall:
Duh.
Liam:
I know, that's my point. A train can't go across the Arctic Ocean.
Niall:
Duh.
Louis:
This one can!
Niall:
Duh.
Louis:
Haven't you heard of the Polar Express?
Niall:
Duh?
Liam:
I haven't.
Niall:
Duh. ...I haven't, either, actually. Duh.
Louis:
You've never heard of the Polar Express?
Liam:
No.
Louis:
And you've never heard of the Polar Express?
Niall:
No.
Train Conductor:
You've never heard of the Polar Express?!
Niall:
...Hello.
Train Conductor:
YOU'VE never HEARD of the POLAR EXPRESS?!
Niall:
All right, I've heard of it now.
Train Conductor:
THIS is the POLAR. EXPRESS.
Niall:
THANK. YOU.
Harry:
Who's that?
Zayn:
I wanna say he's the conductor?
Harry:
Then say it. I don't mind.
Liam:
And so this train will take us to-
Train Conductor:
Why, to the North Pole, of course!
Liam:
So this train can go across the ocean?
Train Conductor:
This train can go across the ocean for all.. who truly.. believe.
Harry:
Is that how it works? I forget physics.
CUT TO INSIDE POLAR EXPRESS
Train Conductor:
I hope you are enjoying the ride. Can I get you anything to drink?
Louis:
Oh, that would be lovely.
Train Conductor:
What would you like?
Louis:
Do you have any hot chocolate?
Train Conductor:
Hot chocolate?
Louis:
Yes.
Train Conductor:
Hot chocolate?!
Louis:
..Yes.
Train Conductor:
Do we have any hot chocolate??!
Louis:
...Yes?
Train Conductor:
I thought you'd never ask!
*music starts*
Louis:
Actually, could I just get some water?
Train Conductor:
Oh. Here you go.
Louis:
Cheers.
Train Conductor:
Well, everyone, we hope you enjoy your ride aboard the Polar Express. Your comfort is our number one priority. If you need anything at all, just. Believe.
Niall:
Anyone find that guy a little strange?
Zayn:
I'll tell you what's even more a little strange. All the other passengers on the train are children.
Louis:
Blimey, you're right!
Harry:
Why is that?
Zayn:
I don't know. But I don't like it.
Liam:
Maybe it's a field trip.
Zayn:
Oh. Then I like it.
Liam:
Or like a youth group thing?
Zayn:
Sure, I like it.
Harry:
Unless...
Zayn:
Unless?
Harry:
*gasp* Of course!
Zayn:
Of course?
Harry:
That train conductor!
Zayn:
That train conductor?
Harry:
Don't you see? If you rearrange the letters in train conductor, it spells, "child abductor"!
Zayn:
Oh, no.
Louis:
Of course!
Niall:
The answer was right under our noses the whole time!
Zayn:
We can't let him get away with this.
Louis:
Let's get him!
All:
Yeah! After him! Beat him up!
Liam:
Wait. Where did you get the H from?
Train Conductor:
What the H? You can't be up here! Go back to your-
Louis:
Get him!
All:
Get him!
Train Conductor:
Ahh! Get off me! Get off me!
Liam:
*sigh*
CUT TO ENGINE ROOM
Louis:
Where are you taking all those children?
Train Conductor:
Why, to the North Pole, of c-ow!
Harry:
Haha. You said cow.
Train Conductor:
Please! Get off me! We're going way too fast!
Niall:
What are we, dating?
Train Conductor:
I'm talking about the train! If it takes a curve at this speed, we'll derail!
Harry:
You mean a curve like that one?
Train Conductor:
Oh, no!
Harry:
No?
Train Conductor:
Oh, I mean, oh, yes!
Harry:
Oh, no!
YOU ARE READING
The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction 3 Transcript
FanfictionAll rights reserved by Mark Parsons on YouTube. I would have started this earlier but school was s t r e s s f u l. So I'm doing it now. :)
