Fedoras and Forbidden Love

Chapter 9: The Big Fight

     The fight was on. Crow bars clanged, people screamed with rage or pain or both. Claudius ran for the control center but was stopped by Chester's giant robot hand. "Not today!" he screamed in a nasally voice. Claudius punched the arm, knocking it right off. His abs glistened with sweat, his eyes filled with determination. Chester launched robot missiles at him, but Claudius dodged them. "You'll have to try harder than that!" said Claudius, who was immediately slammed to the ground by Chester's other robot arm. Claudius fell to the ground, his fedora flew off his head. "No!" he screamed, as the fedora was the source of his power. 

"I've caught you now!" screamed Chester Claudius pleaded with him. "Please Chester. Have a heart. Think of a world where all hats were welcome! Where you could wear anything you want and not be judged." But Chester remembered it all too well. 

"I remember that world. What a sick place that was! Bowler hat sales were down %50000. I decided the only way to get the company back up would be to eliminate the competition. All of it. So i created this distopian society, purely for profit. And it's working out pretty well" he smirked. 

Suddenly he heard Jessica's voice. "Claudius! You can still fight without your fedora! I believe in you Claudius!" But Jessica didn't understand the nature of the situation. You see, Claudius's fedora wasn't just metaphorically the source of his power. It actually had tiny needles that constantly injected him with steroids. How else could he stay so buff without ever working out? But it didn't matter, her pep talk actually gave him the boost of strength he needed to punch Chester right in the heart, obliterating his robot suit and causing him to flop to the ground like a dead fish.

Claudius was ready to finish him off when he heard the feebleness in Chester's voice. "Please, have mercy! I did it out of desperation! I needed bowler hats to be a success, mine doesn't even come off!" He pulled at his hat, showing them that it truly didn't budge. "You have no idea how annoying water parks are! 'Sir you have to take off your hat for this ride' but I couldn't! I haven't watched my hair in fifteen years!" 

"And you never will again!" screamed Claudius, punching Chester in the face with the force of 1000 fedoras. Chester disintegrated completely, his bowler hat being the only thing that remained. He got to his feet, he finally won.

"Bad news Claud" said Fred looking at the machine. "It says here that the machine requires one human to stay back and pull the lever....but they won't make it out alive..." They sat in silence for a minute, but eventually Claudius knew what he had to do. He rose to his feet and opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by someone else.

"I'll do it!" screamed the mechanic, who burst through the control center doors. "For real?" said Fred, not expecting this twist. 

"Claudius," said the mechanic, "I've never admitted my true feeling for you... I love you Claudius."

"Okay" said Claudius. 

"I've been following you around, everywhere you go, trying to tell you.  I could never do it. Heck, I'm not even a real mechanic! But this is my chance to-"

"I appreciate that man." said Claudius, who was avoiding eye contact yet again. "Welp looks like we've  got everything figured out. Alright cool I guess well be going on our way."

The mechanic closed his eyes and leaned in for a kiss, not realizing that Claudius was four feet away. He fell face first on the ground. By the time he opened his eyes they were all gone. "Oh okay" said the mechanic who wasn't really a mechanic at all. "For Claudius," he screamed, pulling down the lever. The room burst white, and the entire facility exploded.

Jessica, Claudius, Fred, and the rest of the rebellion watched the building collapse from a safe distance away. They had finally won. They all cheered. Claudius and Jessica kissed, as the sparks from the burning building lit the landscape. It was all finally over.