Dear You,

Alec || Olivia

Oh, don't fucking tell me you're sorry. Don't look in my direction. Don't breathe in my direction. Don't even bother to be in the same room as me. You don't deserve me. I'm a fucking goddess and yet you're too blind to realize that no matter how high and mighty I am, you created a disaster out of me. I now lie in the deepest depths of the ocean just so I no longer have to look you in the eye.

Because I know you left me for no good reason. I know you decided one day to just leave me and pretend that I was no longer this significant figure in your life. You just left me out here in the open waltzing around until I could dance no longer. When I tried to look for you, I just saw an open meadow.

I did not see you. There wasn't even a silhouette of your adorably lanky self. Your cinnamon brown eyes were not there to watch my road to destruction. Your large hands were not there to catch me when I needed it most. You just left and you never told me why. There are thousands of answers that are locked away inside your mind that could stop the millions of questions in my head from circulating.

Alec, oh Alec, you may not have been there to see my fall, but you were there to see the me that is broken down. I am a rusty car on the side of a county road. I've been here so long that not even tow companies are willing to take me away. You once considered me a masterpiece but I never knew that you were one to trash art the moment you got sick of it.

I don't want to hear an "Olivia, I can explain." I wish not to waste time on someone who wasted my beauty and happiness. Don't ask me for a "minute to explain" because we both know I'll forgive you easily. Plus, who knows? In that "minute to explain" you might just kill me altogether.

What was that story of the person who saved that venomous snake that you always told me about? Some person saw an injured snake and raised it up to perfect health only to get bitten. As that person lay dying, the snake had said something along the lines of: "You know that I'm still a snake." That's you, Alec. I can't give you one chance. If I trust you for one more minute, I know you'll kill me with your venom. You're my weakness but I just won't bring myself to give in. You are the reason why I am shattered into a billion pieces and I'd rather have someone take the time to fix me up before you come to shatter that person's masterpiece.

Sometimes your voice rings in my ears with an "I love you" or an "I miss you, come back" and my heart drops. Do you miss me right now? Do you miss me at night during the hours when the memories of you corrupt my mind and roll down my face in the form of tears? When you walk past me, do you think of the nights we've had where our conversations hit home and we just never brought it up again? Does the thought of me creep up upon you at the worst times and gives you a pain of nothingness throughout your chest? Do you miss me right now? Do you want me to come back?

Nevermind, I don't want to hear it.

This letter is the only time of day I'm giving you for, hopefully, a long time.

But if you're wondering:

Yes, I miss you.

Yes, I hate you.

Yes, I still love you.

Thanks for sparing me some time of day, too.

Olivia.