BACK OFF

Back off_4

{Chapter 4}

1 month have passed after that incident happened. It was an actual incident for me though. 1 month with no communication. Yes we see each other at school but whenever we cross lines and see each other. He'll look at me for every few seconds and leave me with a fake smile plastered on my face. It still hurts, hurts so much that I can't keep my tears from falling whenever I remember him. Hurts to smile like nothing happened. Hurts to be ignored by him like I was nothing, like we've never been friends.

Today were here in our gym. Gym of the school for the graduation day. The graduation ceremony and everything else finished, now I was on my way out of the gate. "Hey Amy, whats your plan after your collage year?" May asked. Yeah, I've been talking to her for a while. it still hurts to see her everytime. Especially when I remember what just happened on the J's prom.

"I have no idea, bye." I said as I gave her a satisfying smile. Mom and Dad called me. They said we needed to go home early. "Mom, I'm walking home." I said before I could walk away from them.

"See you any other time may!" I said as I turned to her. She looked at me and smiled.

I walked to the lonesome streets of sadness. I can't stop thinking about what's gonna happen next...next of me, now that Jonathan is...gone.

I wondered my sight for a while, memorizing this place. I'm booked in a flight tomorrow to San Francisco. Mom and Dad said I'm gonna be studying there for collage years. I stopped and stiffened as a person hugged me from behind. I was shocked and hurt to see it was Jonathan. Tears started to form as I was hurt inside. I'm not gonna lie, I missed him, I missed this...I missed everything.

I gave him an irritating look. "What are you doing? Back off!" I shouted as I was trying to get off of his arms. "Isn't it obvious? I'm hugging you" He said as he didn't tried to look at me. Tears fell down seeing him like this. Seeing me like this. I cried because of everything, because of him. "Don't start with the obvious! Now back off!" I shouted as tears don't stop falling. I tried to push him but it was no use. I had no strength right now, no strength because of him. I became weak because of him. I changed because of him. I became...something different from those days. He changed my world...He gave me new experiences in my life.

So it hurts more than anything I had felt. "Isn't this how we became friends?"He started. As he told and tried his best to make me remember everything, it hurt me, I cried, it broke me. Those days shattered me more as I try to remember it one by one.

"Isn't it that I was the first one to make you smile? Laugh? And your first friend?" I stopped.

"Friend?! You call yourself a friend?! You hated me at the first place! You shouted at me and left me crying! Is that a friend to call?! huh?! Tell me!" I shouted.

"It hurts like hell Jonathan! How can you even do these things like nothing just happened? Like we're not friends?! I can't believe you! Every night! every day! I wished, that you would walk to me and talk to me!" He let go of me and he turned me to him.

"What?" I looked at him while wiping away the tears that flowed down my cheeks. As I looked straightly into his eyes, worries, sadness and hurt is in his eyes. Those emotions that I saw hurt me more, I cried more.

"It none of your business, so back off" I said sarcastically as I gritted my teeth. He was just looking at me like I was nothing. Much hurt is what I felt, but I grabbed the chance to push him away and I succeeded.

"It's my business" I raised an eyebrow but can't help to stop my flowing tears.

"Your business?! Oh come on! Tell me how! Tell me!" I shouted as tears both flowed in both our eyes. A million times I've said this word, this phrase... "It hurts to see him". I didn't take it longer and started to walk away.

I started to walk away but someone grabbed my wrist. "If I tell you, you'll only reject me." He said as he bent his head down. I looked at him in annoyance.

"Reject? What was that supposed to mean?!......Jonathan...You were the one who rejected me! Yeah you and I became friends, but you rejected me in the end! The days when we were together? It all looks like it was nothing to you! Your the one who rejected me! I'm the one who has been rejected!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

"You don't know how hard it is for me to avoid and ignore you like some stranger in the street!" He shouted back. Go to hell Jonathan!

"And you don't know how hard it is for me every day that passes me by. Being ignored. The days we were together. Jamming around, being dumb about something sometimes. You don't know..." I pointed at myself.

"How hard it is to forget you...to fall for you..." I looked at him encouraged.I ran away. Hurting, shattered, broken, disrupt and destroyed. I ran away with all my might. But everytime I do this kind of thing, feels like nothing. Yeah I ran away from troubles, but I can't ran away from the pain I'm feeling right now. It hurts a million times. More than that, it hurts like hell. I'm used of being ignored, hurt and being hated. But why does it hurt so much?

*END OF CHAPTER 4*

Quote of the chapter:

~~doesn't mean I'm used to it, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.