I Can't Remember To Forget You

OnE

A/n: so this chapter is kinda inspired by a couple songs. "She used to be mine" by Sara Bareilles and some others but mainly this one but in a different way. You'll see. Hope you lyk :)

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"Used to be mine"

(Jacks pov)

Two weeks, three days, and eleven hours and forty minutes. And counting. And counting. Can't stop from counting the seconds since his death. A miserable thing to do.

I'm walking at a slow pace back to the bay where the hub used to be and the newly built one is. I want to feel and breathe the air again. I don't care if I drop down crying. And honestly I can't endure the tense air between the others like they pity me. I can't have them pity me as their boss. And Gwen, she just- I don't want to be done and over him because that seems worse than missing him. It's a step closer to forgetting him. And I promised I wouldn't. I won't. I can't.

I look out to the gray water and the dusty skies, like always here in Cardiff. I feel the pinch where my heart should be again and I feel for the old fob watch in my pocket and I feel somewhat better. His old grandfather's watch sits heavy on my calloused hands and I have an idea. It just occurred to me after so long! How stupid!

My fingers fumble to press the top worn button and the watch stops. But nothing happens. It was a farfetched hope. And I feel just so disappointed, I had let myself dream.

Ianto is gone and he won't come back.

The thought makes me break down again, the third time today.

:::

(Gwen's pov)

"Oh Jack, wait. Jack!" He won't listen to me and just runs out the door. Perfect.

"You could've said that a little gentler Gwen." Tosh admits. Tosh and Owen both stare at me like I just scared away a child. I sort of did.

"He needs to get his head back on right! He can't be brooding over him all the time! He never talks anymore, he hardly eats and he never leaves his room or office if only to visit a frozen Ianto and it will have to stop at some point. We need him. More than ever now. We need a leader," I sigh. I can't believe them right now. I've had to take over because Jack can't cope. I honestly thought he'd be over Ianto by now. The whipping boy.

"Look, go easy on him. It's been what? Nearly three weeks. Give him time. Give us time Gwen."

"Owen tell her two weeks was enough," I look to him for help.

"Hey woah no. Don't drag me into this!" We both glare at him. And he gives a sigh. "Gwen you don't understand. You haven't lost a lover. He has. It takes more than just two weeks believe me."

"Ughh."

"Thank you Owen," Tosh smiles. I wonder where he ran off to.

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Holding the watch closely as he spills his tears Jack doesn't notice when the golden mist seeps out and floats off to find where it belongs.

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(INSIDE NEWLY BUILT HUB)

*gasp*
Ianto opens his eyes and tries to gather air into his empty lungs. Doesn't help as he starts to cough. He's cold and it's dark. What the hell!? Tell me I'm not in a coffin! Panic sets in and he slams his fists to get out. He screams for someone, anyone but finds he can't, his throat is dry and oh God where is he!?!?

I'm dead. I died. But how am I here!?

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*beep*

Toshiko checks her mobile as she receives an alert from the hub's security. "Shit"

"What is it?" Both her colleagues question.

"Somebody broke into the hub!" All three of them jump up and quickly race to the front door of Gwen's flat.

"You sure it's not just Jack?" Owen asks.

"No, no. His signal is not inside. I'll bring up the CCTV and check what it is," She responds as they all board the Torchwood SUV.

"I'll call Jack."

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Jack's phone let's him know that Gwen is trying to reach him but instead he ignores it. He rather just wallow in self loathing hearing the ocean waves. In his mind they agree he could've done a much better job at protecting Ianto. Sweet, kind Ianto. The Ianto that used to be his. All wrapped up in a beautiful suit and smile.

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A/n: tell me what u think. I write weird so yeah :)