If I Die Young

3: Don't Matter 'Till You're Gone

3: Don't Matter 'Till You're Gone. 

 My eyes landed on the wet pavement. I talked through my quivering, bottom lip, "W-who are you?" 

 "See for yourself." Amusement dripped from his voice.

 I slowly looked up, heart beating faster and faster. My palms started to sweat so I clenched my hands together, ready to punch, if needed. When I looked up, my lip stopped quivering and my heart beat adjusted to my regular beat, "Dad!" 

 "Hey, Lill!" He laughed, picking me up in a hug. 

 Tears rushed to my eyes, happy and sad. Happy to see my dad, unhappy of my current situation.  "What are you doing here? I mean, like in this alley." 

 He put a hand on the small of my back and started walking with me, "Your mom assumed you were going to Starr's and she said you take this way home, so I decided to get you."

 "I thought you wouldn't be here until 12..." I furrowed my brows. 

 "I was on a business trip around the area," He smiled, "What were you doing out and about at night, Lilly?" 

 I frowned, "I had to get out of the house."

 "I understand." He patted my back. 

 We walked all the way home in silence, but not the awkward kind-- the nice, comfortable kind. Although my dad and I had a lot of catching up to do, this was what I needed and he knew that. 

 That's what I love about my dad; he gives me space, and when I'm ready to talk, I will. 

 I finally got to the comforts of my own house and quickly went to my room. I plopped on my bed, feeling like garbage. My eyes slowly started shutting, and before I knew it, I spiraled into a deep sleep. 

 The grey morning light leaked in through my window waking me up. For the first time in a long time, it looked like it wasn't raining, mind you, the sun wasn't shining. It was still grey clouds flooding the sky. 

 I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, while getting up. I was so warm under my blankets, when I exchanged it for cold air, it was not welcoming. I grabbed a housecoat off my bed post, and slipped on some slippers. 

 I walked into the living room and saw my mom reading and my dad flicking through our basic cable. 

 "Oh, Lilly!" My mom set her book down and got up, smoothing the wrinkles out of her shirt.

 I nodded at her, still half asleep.

 "I know you just woke up, but, um, I got a call from Alex's mom today." She smiled.

 I nodded again, gripping on to the wall beside me for balance. I didn't want to talk about Alex. 

 "Lilly," I saw tears start to glaze over her eyes, "Well, they're holding a memorial service not tomorrow but the next day, and they want you to make a speech about  Alex!" 

 I saw my dad glance up. It felt like air got heavier, yet I couldn't get enough of it. My breathing turned more shallow as I thought of Alex. The world started spinning, and my mouth started to water. 

 "Oh god." I ran to the bathroom. I went on my knees in front of the toilet and vomited. I heard my mom come in and I felt her pull back my hair. I closed my eyes, and curled up on the bathroom floor, crying. 

 My mom leaned down and brushed my hair out of my face and my dad stood at the door, awkwardly, staring in utter horror. 

 "Lilly, I thought this would be closure for you." She said, gently.