Death Experience

Chapter 3: Over And Over Again

   December 23, 1964

   Oh gosh, it hasn't been long, but it feels like I wrote in here forever ago.  Yes, it is two days before Christmas, although I am not terribly excited, I am at least, well, sorta hyped about what I'm getting for Christmas.  But yeah, lets get to the bad news.  Oh great, every time I think about this, the more I just wanna cry.  So my sorry-ass ex boyfriend and I have been fighting lately.  A lot.  And I guess while we were just taking a little "break" between each other, he got caught up into this other girl and dumped me along the way.  Like what the fuck?  I still can't believe it!  He fucking promised me that he would never fall in love with someone else.  Great, now I know how bad boys are a keeping their side of the bargain.  Guess I'm all on my own again.  I just, I just, don't know what to do.  Will I ever be able to confront him again?  I mean now because he's got a new girlfriend, it may even be hard just to look at him straight in the eyes!  Oh whatever, not like it ever mattered.

   Have a Merry Christmas,                           ~ Erin Haruko

   "It's been such a while since I've felt this lonely," Erin thought to herself, "not like I can do anything now.  I just wonder how this all is gonna end up in the end."  Erin got out of her bed and looked at herself in the mirror.  She looked pretty much the same, except for the fact that she has acquired dark circles under her eyes after countless days without sleep.  Then, she went to desk and began to plan out things.  "Just another day of planning out my death.  Here goes nothing."  She began to plan again.  Her very first attempt wrote:

   Step 1:  Write down your suicide letter  

   Step 2: Figure out death date and time (sometime around late evening and early morning)

   Step 4:   Find something to kill yourself with (knife, gun, anything harmful)

   Step 5:  Find a peaceful place where no one will ever find you

   Step 6: Give suicide letter to parents

  Step 7: *Will have to figure this one out*

   When the plan didn't seem good enough, she crumbled the paper up, threw it into the trashcan and began writing out another one.  Paper after paper, hour after hour, she wrote, and wrote, and wrote.  And when she was finally out of patience, she threw her pencil down, pulled as hard as she could on hair could, and screamed at herself.  She pounded her desk, crying out of frustration. "Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it!  Why is this so fucking hard!  I just want it done!  Someone!  Kill me!"  She screamed for hours, until dinner was ready, then she prepared herself to confront with her family and walked out the door.