Death Experience

Chapter 18: For The First And Last Time

     4:20am Erin's clock read.  Erin's mind, still groggy from sleep, got ready for the trip to New York.  "Wait, you won't be going to New York, remember your plan." Erin thought to herself.  She had dreaded this day ever since the beginning, but today was it, today would be the day.  Erin put her plan into the pocket of her jacket, grabbed her suitcase, and headed for the subway to New York, but Erin knew that she wouldn't be taking the subway, she'd be doing something else.

     The early morning breeze made Erin shiver.  Today was not the warmest of days, but it also wasn't the coldest.  Pulling up the zipper to her jacket, Erin tried the best she could to keep the warmth within her body.  The twenty minute walk was not the most enjoyable.  Her mother and father kept conversation among themselves, while Erin and Rian kept quiet and stared straight ahead of the road.  By the time they were halfway there, Erin couldn't feel her fingers.  Her entire body screamed for warmth, but she willed herself to stay calm and not show any signs of cold.  "Just like when you are being bullied Erin, just like when you are being bullied," Erin thought to herself.

     When they arrived at the subway station, Erin was shivering uncontrollably, having a few seconds for a break, she blew into her hands to put some of the warmth back into them.  Then she headed through the check-in and rushed down the stairs.  When she got down the stair, she read the amount of time she had before the subway train arrived.  45 minutes it read.  Sighing with a bit of relief, Erin took out the piece of paper she had stuffed in her pocket and read it over again.  15 minutes had passed since she arrived at the subway station.

     The wait was long and tedious, Erin had to admit, finding her with nothing to do, Erin jammed her earbuds on to her ears and played some music to pass the time by.  Another 15 minutes had passed by,  but to Erin, it felt like another eternity.  Getting more and more anxious, Erin's throat went dry as she watched each minute pass by.  Erin began to shake again, but this time it was not because she was cold, but because she was afraid of what she was going to do.

     Erin was afraid of what she was going to do, but she had no other choice, she had no other chance, no other day.  "Keep calm, you can do this Erin," she thought to herself.  She took one big gulp of air.  She still had eight minutes left, so she read the paper over again, again, and again, making sure that she followed each procedure flawlessly, this was her one and only chance, she and to be sure to do it with perfect accuracy and timing.  This was her very last chance to make things right, to change her life forever.

     3 minutes left, Erin knew what was awaiting her.  She took of her earbuds and put them back into her backpack.  She was scared, afraid.  Just thinking about what she was going to do made her cry silently, her family would never forgive her for what she was about to do, but she had no time to think her family, this was about herself, nothing else mattered, nothing else would have to matter, not her family, not the people also going on the train, not even her friends, no one would matter in the end.  This her own time, her own sacrifice.  Erin slowly walked to where her family was.  She hated having to do this, and it broke her heart to, but she felt like it was most needed.  Then she walked up and waited for the subway.

     Erin heard the subway coming, but it was very far away and too faint to clearly be heard, but it was definitely coming.  Taking a big gulp of air, Erin took another step closer to the ledge.  The subway train came into view.  Erin began to count down the time.  Then one last time, she told her family that she loved them, and stepped forward.  When the train was in full view, Erin rook one last full of air, and jumped off the ledge.  "Erin, no!" she heard her mother scream, but it was already too late.  Erin closed her eyes officially for the first and last time.  The collision of her body hitting the ground and then the subway train slamming into her knocked Erin out.