A directioner's diary.....

2

July 23, 2010, 8:22 pm Friday quite an important date for a directioner. The day because of which we are where we are today, the day that changed everything, the day that we are beyond thankful for, the day when someone's failure became the world's biggest achievement. The day when we became their directioners and they our One Direction. A very big thank you to Simon Uncle who started it all. It has already been five years and five months since their birth. Everything seems to be moving so fast. I think god just pressed the speed button on and forgot to pull it off. God should seriously check his remote soon.

I still remember the day when I first laid my eyes on the five teenager boys singing LWWY on the free ground dancing awkwardly, having fun and not caring about the world. It's already been three years but I still remember every second of it, like it just happened yesterday. I didn't know my yesterday will be three years ago and I can't believe my eyes, how fast our cute little boys grew up into hot and sexy men in just a blink. Who says they don't have hidden powers? They sure have.*winks*

Time flies so fast when you are having fun. This statement has never felt so true until now. During these years we didn't only had fun, we went up and down the roller coaster but every time we slipped down the boy's hand lifted us up like always. The grip of their hand became much tighter this year and I realized, they are also scared to loose us, just as much as we are scared to let them go.

After being non- stop on the road for five years, they are finally taking a break. I won't say I am not happy for them. Believe me I am, but I won't lie either I'm as much sad for myself as I am happy for them. They are like a habit to me like a morning cup of coffee which I surely will miss and which will make my morning incomplete and rest of the day boring. I think this break is equally for both of us. Maybe it is to make us both habitue about the life without each other. To make us interact with the real world, to make us step outside the boundary of our family. The directioner's family. To teach us to live without them. To show us the life without them. A year or more without them.

This hiatus or whatever made me think about our future which I always ignored and didn't wanted to listen of. I know this all thing is temporary and it's not a goodbye but a sweet see you again thing.But, one day these all temporary things will be permanent, their last concert, their last hug, their last performance every thing they did now and that day they will be saying their actual good byes.The emptiness we will have for this 18 months will also be permanent someday. I know I shouldn't be thinking all of these but one day it surely will be because from what I learnt from last seven months is that, nothing lasts forever and everything has it's own end, they also probably will theirs someday.

I wish I could go back to 2013 and stop the time just there. I don't wanna grow further from here. I am afraid thinking what the future holds. I am afraid after my marriage I have to explain every thing to my husband. He would ask me, What did the boys meant to me? Why I love the boys behind the screen more than I will ever love him? Why my old room still consist of their picture on the wall which I promised never to let down? Why I still have their face on my screen saver? Why does my hear still skips a beat on hearing their names like a wild teenager I was? Why hearing their names brings tears in my eyes remembering every happy times I spend with them though they were physically not there? Why does my eyes shine so bright while talking about them?

That time I would honestly like to tell him everything, the happiness the boys gave me which I would rarely get from anybody else. The way they were there for me when no one else was. I want to tell him that every cell of my body loves them because they made me who I am today. Their voices exactly healed me from the wounds I got. I would like to reply all his why's sincerely but I instead will give him a close mouth smile and reply,"You won't understand" The three words that I always use to my parents and friends who always blame my teenage hormones for loving them. I would surely not speak truth that day cause like every one he will too never understand. No one ever did and no one ever will. Unlike the people like you, the people whom I call a family. The people who are just like me and have experience everything with me together. Though I don't know you I love you all like I loved the boys. I hope no one asks us these question in the future and accept us for who we are. Accept our heart which is full for the love towards the boys and accept us for the truth that we can't love anyone like we ever loved them again.

I don't care how old I became. Weather my feet would support my body or not.I would still dance on their songs. Weather my breathe will allow me to squeal or not. I would still put my grand children and make them listen how I first saw them and how I fell for them. They would utterly choke their own saliva and ask," Was grand pa that big artist that time and you are lucky he married you?". And I would look at them as they have grown another head in them and say as I always did and think of," I wish he was, I wish he had"