The Mender

Healing Talk

Esri forced herself not to cry. She did not want Zura to feel sorry for her.

"Did you kill Dagan?" demanded Zura.

"No, but if I had not gone by myself to get Wilki and her baby, he would still be alive."

"If you stayed here, would Wilki and Wilki-Dumu be alive?"

"Probably not."

"Did you force Dagan to fight the Violent Ones?"

"No, but it was because of me that he did."

"And because of Wilki?"

"Yes, yes, of course. But I can't stop thinking that he would still be here if it weren't for me." Esri's voice broke.

"There are consequences to all of our actions. Sometimes they are both good and bad. Am I angry about Dagan? Yes. I have such deep sorrow. I can't bear to think he's no longer with us. I've never known a better man. There is a part of my life that will be forever empty. But you need to stop saying you killed him. You did not, the Violent Ones did."

"What could I have done differently?"

"I don't know. Sometimes we have to make terrible choices. It's why the Agreements are so important. It's why we need to do everything we can to not hurt each other. We should try to live so that we do not have to face such choices. If you and Dagan had not gone and had waited to go with the others, Wilki and Wilki-Dumu would probably be dead. That too would have been terrible to live with."

Though Zura did not offer any easy answers or even as much sympathy as Esri might have hoped for, talking with her did help Esri to start moving beyond her deep anguish about Dagan's death. For a while, Esri felt so much guilt when she saw Saba that she avoided spending time with her. Zura saw this and told Esri, "Reach out to Saba. She needs you. Don't let her mourn alone." From then on, the two young women went frequently to where Dagan was buried and together worked on carving a large bull buffalo into the rock above his grave.

On one of their visits to the golden rock, Esri said, "I think when Great Bull Traveler comes again that Dagan will go with him."

Saba grasped Esri's hand, "And then we will see him each time Great Bull returns. When my End Days come, I'll wait for Great Bull and go with them."

The newcomers from the Violent Ones' bode folded into life at Flat Rocks. The two children from Sela and Muni's former bode were taken in by Grayla and Jolam. They shared their sleeping spot with the children and Sela and Muni. The children were anxious and frequently had nightmares. Sela took on a role as their little mother and protector. She made it her project to acquaint them with everyone at Flat Rocks, beginning with Grilu. Though initially they were startled by his appearance, he soon had them laughing and singing with him.

The two young former slave women with the two children settled into a sleeping spot by themselves. They did not stay isolated. So many at Flat Rocks had once been newcomers and remembered what it was like and went out of their way to interact with them. In a short time, the women and their children spent less time huddled together, their heads no longer down, and gradually started to smile and laugh with others.

Once the newcomers started to relax and became comfortable communicating, the Elders Council planned a large Agreements pledging ceremony. The newcomers were invited to contribute songs or stories from their past if they wished. Sela and Grilu asked Esri to help them make a special song that all the children, including the new ones, could sing together.

The Flat Rocks bode was proud of liberating the slaves from the Violent Ones and went all out both welcoming them and integrating them into the daily rhythms of the bode. However, nothing could remove the shadow of anxiety that hung over Flat Rocks with the Violent Ones still at large. All of the food collection happened in large groups with several people designated to act as guards and lookouts. There was considerable discussion about taking some kind of further action against the Violent Ones, though no agreement on what that might be.