The Mender

Distraught

Joe sat on Esri's bed. With his right hand he gently tried to rouse her. His left arm was wrapped around Jilly, who was sitting on his lap. They watched anxiously as Esri sobbed and thrashed around, gasping, "Dagan, Dagan, oh my god. No, no. Dagan, Dagan."

"C'mon, honey. It's ok. It's ok. I'm here. It's only a dream."

"He's dead. He's dead. I know he's dead." Esri was over-wrought.

"Es, wake up. No one is dead," Joe spoke louder. She seemed not to hear him.

Jilly said, "Daddy, I'm scared. Why won't Esri wake up. Who is dead?"

"She's having a really bad dream. She'll be all right in a few minutes." Though Joe wasn't so sure. Esri had been having some intense dreams in the last while, but she'd never been like this. He spoke more firmly and loudly, leaning close to her, "You're only dreaming. Open your eyes. C'mon now. Open your eyes, Esri."

Esri opened her eyes and stared at Joe and Jilly. Her shuddering sobbing continued. "Where's Nat?"

"Esri, it's me, honey, Dad. And Jilly's right here too."

Esri looked at them and began to grasp that she was back in her apartment in Toronto. Oh god, she couldn't bear it, thinking about Dagan. She had to talk to Clea.

Joe smiled at her, "Are you awake now, sweetie? It sounds like you had a terrible, terrible nightmare. Everything's ok. Do you want to talk about it?"

No, everything was not ok but there was no way she could tell him. "Dad, I'm not feeling too good. I want to stay home today."

"You are all sweaty." He felt her forehead and cheeks. She did seem warm. "Sure, but I don't like leaving you alone all day. Do you want me to find someone to look in on you?"

"No, no, please don't, Dad. I'll be fine, really. And if I feel a lot worse, I'll call Luka's mom. I promise. She's home. She's working evenings this week."

"Ok, I'll try to get home early. Jilly, you get dressed. I'll call Farhana and take you to their place and they can walk you to school. Want some juice, Es?"

"Sure, Dad, that would great."

Esri waited until ten, then dressed quickly and ran over to Clea's.

"Esri, what are you doing here. Isn't it a school day?"

"Oh Clea," the anguish washed over Esri, "Dagan is dead, and it's all my fault."

"Oh dear, no, no, come here. I'm sure it's not your fault. Please, come in, come in. We'll make a nice pot of tea and talk this through. I'll get Thomas." Clea put her arm around Esri's waist and they walked back to the kitchen. "Thomas," she called out. "It's Esri. She's come through a terrible time. Dagan has died. Come join us in the kitchen."

The three of them sat around the kitchen table for the rest of the morning. Willa perched on Esri's lap as she went over everything that had transpired over the last few days at Flat Rocks. Reliving the whole sequence of events was difficult. As Esri described the choices she made to Clea and Thomas, she kept trying to think of what she could have done differently, but every choice seemed to bring tragedy.

"Oh Esri," Clea's voice quavered, "I'm so sad about Dagan. You did a brave thing to go after Wilki and her baby. One or both might have been killed if you hadn't. And if Dagan hadn't come, what might have happened to you? His destiny was to ensure that no harm came to you. It is very difficult to deal with people who are violent without then becoming like them. Look at the world around us. Poor Dagan. In order to save you, he was left with no choice."

Esri sighed, "If only everyone was like the people at Flat Rocks, it would be a pretty peaceful world."

"How is it that Flat Rocks stays peaceful?" asked Thomas.