Love Thy Neighbour *editing*

"...What does dilated mean?"

It hurt. It hurt more than…anything. I had said once and I would say it again; it was a wonder the population was so big.

Sitting curled up in the back of Adam’s car, not taking in anything that Niall was saying to me, it suddenly occurred to me that I was about to have a baby without my mum, without my notes and without any of my stuff. This had to be one of the most awkward births ever.

“I’m not cleaning any gunk off of your seats, Adam,” Sian trilled, turning in her seat to look at me. I groaned as another contraction hit, squeezing Niall’s hands tightly.

We must’ve looked as sight coming through the hospital doors; Sian in her huge meringue dress, Niall and Adam in their suits and me…bent over in agony and successfully flashing the whole of the waiting room. A nurse took one look at us and came over with a wheel chair; damn it, Baby Peanut. Why did he have to choose now to make his debut?

“What’s your name, Sweetheart?”

Niall started rattling off all this information, all of it coming out of his mouth with complete ease. If I hadn’t been trying not to pass out, I would’ve been impressed that he’d actually been paying attention to doctor’s appointments and whatnot.

I didn’t like hospitals. In the span of mine and Niall’s relationship, I had spent too much time in hospital. Why hadn’t I decided to have a home birth or something? What the hell had I been thinking when I’d decided, for once in my life, to be normal?

How did those serial shagging twelve year olds do it? I was in agony and they went around having kids left right and centre. Was there some sort of…chemical in their pre-teen bodies that made them immune to the pains of childbirth?

Eventually, after some heavy negation between Adam and Sian about parking fares, I was put in a small room in the maternity ward. White walls had never been my idea of reassurance; neither were the large machines and the ominous looking bed. Was it okay to have a phobia of the room you were giving birth in?

“Hey, look!” Sian exclaimed, pulling out a large birthing ball. “It’s bouncy!”

I wasn’t sure what had possessed me to let Sian in when I was having a baby, and by the look on Niall’s face, neither was he. But all I knew was, as I sat down on the bed and another contraction hit, that if the pair of them started bickering while I was going through this, I was going to be an unhappy camper.

“So…” Sian said, popping her lips. “What happens now?”

Was she kidding me? What happened now was that I was sent through hours of pain purgatory, while she sang I Told You So songs at the top of her voice!

“She gives birth, Sian,” Niall replied through gritted teeth. He seemed to be just about as worried over this as I was, which didn’t really do much to calm my nerves.

Just as they were starting to get into one of their legendary fights, the door of the room opened, and a small squat looking Midwife bustled in, her face kind and bespectacled. She stood at the bottom of the bed, checking the clipboard that was attached.

“Okay, Evie, I’m just going to see how dilated you are,” she said, glancing at Niall and Sian. “Would either of you like to leave?” 

“…What does dilated mean?” Sian asked.

I groaned, flinging an arm over my face. I couldn’t deal with this right now. It was already stressful enough having a baby without trying to explain every sodding detail to Sian about the process. Next thing I’d know, she’d be asking for a running commentary complete with subtitles.