A Shy Girl & A Wild Horse

Chapter 8~

A Shy Girl & A Wild Pony

Chapter 8~

**warning graphic scenes, you have been warned**

Why?

Why was my life so awful! I walked around my room holding my shaking body as I cried.

He called me cupcake... Something that was forbidden. I was called that when I was little but then he grew mean and a little abusive and went away. I have cursed that name.

He said that there is more to the story? What? And then on top of it he says that he can't tell me! What?! I should know why! Because I still believe that he left because of my mother and me and she died because of me. I should know because I want to if it is true! I want to know if I am to blame!

I finally got tired of walking in circles and collapsed on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I swear I can almost see all of my happy memories being contained by the horrid ones.

Why does my life hate me?

I wiped away the tears and sighed.

Crying wouldn't fix anything, I learned that long ago.

I thought that at my mother's funeral if I cried hard enough, God would feel sorry and give her back. But she never came back.

She left me all alone.
And so did my father.

I felt the little bit of hope I was holding onto slip away from my grasp. Suicide was something I have thought about everyday, that is what it means to be extremely depressed.

So depressed that you can't move. Your arms and legs are numb and you can move them. You almost can't breath and then you panic and it makes it worse.

I sat up in bed and felt my soul shatter again for the last time.

It was like I was in a boxing ring and meeting my father was the final blow to knock me out cold. I had lost, badly. I didn't even try anymore. I had lost to life.

People would probably say, oh you're overreacting.

But I can't take it anymore! I am so sick of this!

I grabbed a knife from out of my suitcase.

This was it. A little tiny piece of metal could take my pain away, how wonderful is that.

I thought about Caitlin. My dear Caitlin.

I took out a piece of paper and a pen that barely even works.

And I started to write:

Just something short and sweet.

To my dearest friend,

I have decided to give up. I can't take this anymore. I had a little bit of hope left but after meeting my father, I just can't anymore. I was right, coming here was a mistake. You are strong. I know you will persevere and fight in this thing called life. But I have lost the last round. I can't fight anymore. Please remember me. You were my only friend when I had none. I thank you for everything you sacrificed for me. Unfortunately, we will not be seeing each other again, I think you know what I mean. This is good bye for now. I miss you forever and ever. Until we meet again...

Becca

A small tear fell onto the paper as I imagined her reading this. What her expression would look like. Imagining how devastated she would be. Would she be able to take it? I honestly don't know, but she's strong.

I the took out another sheet of paper and wrote on that one too.

"Father"

You did this to me.

That was probably the meanest thing I have ever written before. And I hope he feels the pain I have felt for the past fifteen years.

I put the letter to Caitlin in an envelope and wrote down her address. I left out the one to my father and put it on the bed.

I slowly walked over to my bed.

All of the times I have been called horrible names.

All of the times I have been beaten so bad I can't move.

All the times I have gotten dirty looks.

All the nights I cried myself to sleep.

All of my lies and fake smiles.

All of the times I wish I was never born.

And many more.....

This is was it.

I was ready.

With shaky hands, I picked up the small steak knife and thought about why I'm an doing this.

No more pain I told myself.

I put the knife to my chest and breathed deeply. My shaky hands calmed and I closed my eyes.

This is it. Good bye cruel world. I won't miss you.

And just when I was about to plunge the knife deep inside, I heard a horse cry out in distress.

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A/N~ HELLO! I have not forgotten you I Promise! I just wanted to apologize for this graphic chapter, but hey it's what really happens. Anyways, I hoped you liked it! Please like and comment telling me any suggestions! They will be appreciated!! Also MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄🎄☃⛄️