Love Letters: A Fangirl's Tragic Tale

~4th Letter: So, is this love?

Dear FCN,

You wouldn't believe what happened to me today.

Remember the other letters I sent you? Well, all this time I've kept them in between the pages of my History book (probably wasn't a smart idea, huh?). And it just so happened that one of my friend lost hers and asked if she could borrow mine because she wanted to read up more on Norse Mythology (finally, one topic that doesn't suck!)

So, I gave her the book, forgetting that the letters I wrote for you were still in them! I just found out what happened when I saw her and my other friends (about 5 of them) were snickering and laughing to themselves while they were about read the letters out loud.

I quickly took them out of their grasp out of panic and stuffed them in my bag.

Because of my weird behaviour, they bombarded me with questions like "who's the letter for?", "is he cute?", "why didn't you tell us you liked someone? We could've set you up with him!"

Yeah, my friends are supportive that way.

I didn't want to lie to them, so I told them the truth.

I told them I wrote to you because it helps me with things somehow. I told them about how amazing you were and what kind of guy you were. I shared to them how I felt whenever I write to you; how great it feels to know that somehow, you can understand me better than them and how talking/writing to you makes me feel...happy.

I unconsciously told them how much I wanted to talk to you for real and how I wanted to know what you think of me.

When I was done, they smiled at me.

I sighed. I didn't expect them to understand because they don't belong to any fandom. They're just regular school girls. What I really didn't expect was what they said afterwards.

"You sound like you're in love with FCN."

I did a double take and raised an eyebrow at them. I'm still young. I didn't know what they were talking about. And yet, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. My face suddenly got warmer than usual.

One of my friends held my shoulder and told me to relax.

"I guess you've never been in love before, have you YN?"

I shook my head, unable to say anything.

"Well, I guess you are now."

The group left it at that and continued with their studying. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about it.

When I got home, I put all of my letters to you in a special box on the lowest drawer in my desk. I don't know why, but I felt that those letters are special. They contain a part of me that I can never (supposedly) show the others. I felt like all the letters I'll write from now on will be our personal secret...our special thing...

While I'm writing this now, I felt like I can really connect to you. I feel like I can share my secrets to you and know that you'll understand me completely. It's like keeping a diary.

I've never kept one personally and I never bothered to try. Diaries can be great sometimes, but come on! Who would want to spend their precious time writing to some notebook (you know, they always start it off with 'Dear Diary'; so typically speaking, they're writing to no one in particular), it kinda makes it less special.

I'd rather keep on writing to you, at least somehow I can pretend that there's someone I can share my feelings with, other than a piece of paper.

I might have trouble sleeping tonight.

I can't stop thinking about the possibility that I might really be in love with you... why not right? You're awesome, cute, smart, charming (in your own way) and just by reading about/watching you, I feel like my day is already complete.

Gods, now I really can't stop thinking about you...

But... I want to make sure what I feel is real and not just a fling... uhm, maybe I should think about it for a while...

Yours truly,

YN