Boy // Matt x Mello // Boyxboy

Chapter 8

It'd been an unspoken decision that Matt and I would take Near home, but I was beginning to get impatient... and undeniably hungry. I finished all the chocolate bars I'd brought, plus the extra that the ever-pleasing redhead had snatched. Said boy had beaten an entire island on his Mario game before Near decided it was time to leave.

I was almost too exhausted to give Matt a look when he offered to carry me all the way home. But I managed.

The air was frigid. I pulled my jacket tighter around myself and watched the frost that my breath created in contrast to the dark, starless sky.

I didn't notice until Near tugged on my sleeve. Mother was leaned up against the wall of the building with a cigarette in hand, puffing out smoke instead of frost. She must have seen us, but her gaze was at the ground. Her hands shivered as she reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears.

"You don't smoke," I said, noting the heavy silence that had fallen.

She darted her head up like she was taken by surprise.

"Helps me clear my head."

I wasn't convinced she had anything up there to clear, but I didn't say that.

"Mother," Near chimed in."I thought you said you were leaving."

She took a long drag and leaned her head back to release it. She spoke in the smoke, ignoring Near completely.

"I felt- I feel like you're trying to punish me sometimes. I don't understand any of- this." She waved her free hand in my direction.

I felt my throat tighten and my fists ball up in search of something to grasp.

"What is it you don't understand?"

"I have no clue. The fact that I don't understand makes me even more confused." She became more frustrated with every word, using her hands with purpose as if to prove some point. "I think and think and think, but I have no clue what goes through your head. And I can't do anything if I don't know what's wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with me, mother. There can't be a solution to a problem that doesn't exist."

I felt a hand near my shoulder blade, and a hushed,

"Mello."

"Don't." I replied even lower, and hesitantly, the weight was lifted.

I braced myself for the onslaught. If she needed the dramatics to process who I was, then she could have it.

"I'm no different from who I was a month ago. Or a year ago. I feel like a man. That's who I am, and damn you if that makes you feel any differently about me. It makes me physically sick to stand here and feel invalidated and unaccepted by the person who raised me. And regardless if you're a man, woman, or none of the above, it hurts all the fucking same." My words echoed off the empty lot.

Mother took shallow breaths, in and out, and I couldn't tell if the fall of her cigarette was intentional. She smothered it with her heel, observing it curiously as her hair fell back over her face. The thin veil didn't conceal the emotion in her voice. "She's not my Melanie anymore."

"But I am-" She cut me off.

"Mel, please. I'm trying. It's not easy for me either."

She shook her head a last time and sniffed.

"Matthew?"

A pause. Matt hastily cleared his throat. "Uh, ma'am?"

"Would you come here please?"

Matt appeared from behind me and trudged to her, his hands fiddling with themselves to keep them busy. He almost flinched away when Mother stood up straighter and reached up to fiddle with his collar.

She undid his tie and slipped it off his neck, begrudgingly offering him a tight lipped smile before facing me. For a split second, I pictured her wrapping it around my neck and squeezinf the lights out of me. I couldn't be sure that wasn't a possibility.

I stood my ground as she popped up my collar and tucked the fabric under, smoothing out the creases with limber fingers, though they shook with every touch. She straightened the velvet over my chest, over where my breasts used to take up space.

She stepped back and sniffed, examining my new addition.

"Looks... nice," was all she could manage.

The sigh escaped my lips before I could choke it back. "Thanks, Mother."

Without another word, she tugged on my sleeve and pulled me into a hug, her arms swallowing me, holding tightly like if she didn't, I might slip away.

"We'll figure this out."

I could only nod into her shoulder, and, amazingly, the tears didn't come this time. But the same couldn't be said for her when she took a step back, rubbing my arms with a wry smile.

"Miss Keehl, do you like Chipotle?" Matt's voice interrupted the silence.

"It's alright, I guess," she said, confusion lacing her words.

I covered my smile with my sleeve but my harsh laugh was unmistakable.

"I think that was an invitation to have dinner with us."

She let go of my arms. "I accept, in that case."

I placed my hand on the small of her back and handed her off to Near before finally facing Matt again.

"Sorry," he said, taking my hand and rubbing his thumb over my palm.

"It's fine. As long as food is available, it doesn't matter who I'm with." I joked, slapping his affectionate hand. Instead, I intertwined our fingers, hoisting them up and nipped at his knuckle. "Actually, dinner could be good."

"Considering it's Chipotle, I doubt it," he said with furrowed brows.

"Idiot, I meant for us. The family." I waved a hand at the four of us.

Matt hid his face in his jacket, but the upturn of his lips, and the heat on his cheeks even in the icy winter, wasn't missed.

The grip on my hand tightened before it let go, following its owner into his respected spot in the car, only to find its way back home, clutching mine on the gear shift.

Yeah, the family.

y'all,, i've had this chapter written for over a year and just....never got around to posting it i apologize profusely aaahhg