I don't even want to publish this.
I am, only because I fucking pray that if someone ever is in the same position as me and somehow comes across this, and reads it with true understanding, maybe I can help or at least save one person other than me.
I am facing complete oblivion, but here I go.
Sever warning don't continue reading if your under I don't know 15? This is not a light topic.
I am anorexic.
I am not and alcoholic,
I am not a drug addict,
Although I see now how easily either of those could happen.
I see now that if I do not help myself,
I will be in rehab, hospitalized,
Or ultimately six feet into the ground.
Did you read those words properly?
Either ruining my whole life plan,
Or dead.
Seven years ago the most drastic unbearable thing happened to my life.
Today, a drastic event that relates to that happened.
Context of this I will not get into.
I finally realized though,
I've got to help myself, and change back.
This downward spiral, hurts me in to many ways to just let it continue any longer.
I am going to gain control,
This is why I am writing this,
So I read it and remind myself.
So I fucking think to myself about what the fuck I've turned into.
I will look back at this,
Proud.
At what I am about to overcome.
I have a future, and I have a plan.
My life is going to be fantastic,
This slump?
I'm beginning the track up the mountain this instant.
I refuse to be this girl anymore.
For I know I am better, smarter, and way fucking stronger than this.
Nothing has ever stopped me from getting what I want.
So why am I going to let this bullshit?
The answer is simple,
I'm not.
Not anymore.
I control my outcome, I am consumed by only me.
Nothing else will consume me anymore.
Goodbye negotiating, sickness, negativity.
Hello to my road to recovery.
My courage.
Yes I will always be manually ill,
I was simply born so.
I'm getting better though,
Because honestly the simplest terms is,
Fuck this, fuck it all.
I know I'm strong and I'm ready to prove it,
Yes to the world, but ultimately to myself.
So here I go,
Watch me grow back into that loving not giving a fuck girl with so much self respect and desire to peruse life.
I'm concurring my life now, with only positives.
Wish me luck because here I fucking go.
I'm shedding my self of all this horrible shit, negativity, bad choices, being used, searching for release.
Now I am my release, I am the good choices, I'm positively looking at life now, and this new girl.
She's going to fucking soar and take over my world in the best way.
I'm no longer someone's object of play or mental game.
Fuck you, to all of the assholes who put me in these places where I needed release. Yes release, I never asked to be used by the ones of you who chose to uses me as a object not a woman.
Although that's on you to realize where you fucked up.
I am now my own release.
I don't need a superhero, I don't need someone to save me, ha.
Watch me save myself.
Here I go.
Becoming my own superhero.
Ps listen to that song .
http://youtu.be/NjL6Un__yNc
