LETTERS → BHZ | FIN

00 - from ethan.

365 days before.

»

Dear guys,

I'm writing this letter to say how proud I am of you all.
You've all gotten so far and I can't believe the incredible things we've already achieved as a group, but i'm so excited to see what else is yet to come for you.

Sadly I'm making 7 turn to 6, and there's no way you can make me re-join because quite frankly I'll be gone, I'll be in a better place.

I remember when Josh first told me to kill myself.

I didn't make a fuss about it, I didn't say a word. It didn't even hurt me at first, we're friends. i thought it was harmless. But as the year went on, more and more people said the same things as Josh, including the boys. It made me feel extremely self conscious. i would get so upset, but i'd hide it. i wouldn't dare tell anyone how i truly care.

But now we're here, and I guess I can't really explain how I feel. I just can't take it any more. I can't take the constant criticism of my sexuality and my appearance.

I hate myself guys, I hate every part of me.

You'll want to know answers that are unexplainable, you'll loose sleep over it. but you'll know how I felt. Just look a little closer to home and you'll find what you're looking for.

I love you all, no matter what. But I'm so sorry.
Please look after my mom, mommy zingu will be really upset.

lots of love and wishes for the future,
- Ethan.