Can't you see that I'm trying?

Same person, same thoughts

Do you ever have the realization that you've never really changed?

Although you may have cut your hair or painted your nails or heck, even gotten plasic sugery,

The person inside is still the same.

Maybe at one point I was happy

Truely.

But I always put myself down,

Always thought 'You're not good enough' 'Fat' 'Ugly' 'Stupid'.....

I can't really say why. What am I chasing after?

This idea of the perfect person in my head, who is she? Why does she haunt me? Why can I talk to her but never see her? Why can I listen to her ramble on in my head but never once even invision her face?

I've always been quiet and meek and willing to try anything. I only voice my opinions when I feel the need, and I only share my knowledge when I feel that it is needed. Yet every time, for as long as I can remember, I feel as if I'm annoying people. I feel as if I don't want to be heard and what I'm saying is a waste of words. 

So all of my life I've just rarely spoken much outside of my family.

You try and change how you look, who you hang out with, what kind of music you listen to; in hopes that it might change who you are.

But it doesn't. It never has. And now I doubt it ever will. 

I'm just the same person. I still have the same thoughts. I may look different, but I don't think I'll ever change. No matter how much I hope that I do.