Phan One Shots

Still Be Friends

Description: Set in late 2012 during the lowest point in Dan and Phil's relationship, Dan is still in love with Phil but Phil doesn't want to be with him.

TW: Sad, a few depressing thoughts (not suicidal)

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 830 words

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~Dan's POV~

I walked into the living room, slowly and carefully, trying not to trip or otherwise embarrass myself. Phil, beautiful Phil, heck, amazing Phil, was sitting on the sofa, his MacBook open, scrolling through Tumblr.

I sat down cautiously on the single sofa opposite, glancing up at him briefly. He didn't look at me, but that was no surprise. I studied his face, even though I'd memorised the details three years earlier. God, how I wished I could kiss him again, be held by him again, how I wished I could just be with him again.

But no, I had to go and screw it all up. We were perfect together; everything had been easy, up until that fateful day in 2011 when YouTube decided to intervene and ruin everything for us with a stupid glitch.

We'd promised each other we'd stick together no matter what anyone said, and I thought that was how it would stay after the video was made public. We both agreed we'd deny it, say it was a prank, do whatever we could to make it go away.

And it worked, for a while. Until a few months ago, when someone had leaked it again. I don't know how and to be honest I don't care, it happened and we had to deal with it. By this point, I was done. I was so tired of everyone pressuring us, talking about us and sticking their noses into our private lives. And that was where I made my mistake.

Phil hated the way I sounded so disgusted with him on social media. I was constantly expressing my utmost distaste in the idea of a relationship with him, and I'm pretty sure that was what caused him to break up with me.

He tried to be nice about it. He's just that kind of person. I received the classic "it's not you, it's me" line, which I couldn't help but scoff at. What a cliche.

I hadn't tried to get him back since then, although, surprisingly, neither of us had moved out. You'd think that would make life a lot less awkward, and it's true, the awkward silences at dinner would go away, but I think we both knew we couldn't live without each other.

Even now, we still watched anime together in silence, cooked each other's favourite foods and even went out together, shopping and whatnot. Just general everyday things that we couldn't imagine doing without the other.

However, today I was feeling particularly lonely. All I wanted was for him to touch me again; we hadn't so much as brushed against each other since the break-up. I missed his hugs, the way he would hold me at night, with his arms holding me close, protectively wrapped around me as I lay on his chest.

"Phil," I said softly. I decided to take a risk.

He looked up and for a second I thought he was going to smile, but no. "Yeah?"

I stood up, put my laptop away, and sat down next to him. I picked up his laptop and moved it onto the coffee table before leaning slightly towards him. I fiddled with one of the buttons on his plaid shirt.

"Dan, what are you doing?" He said, his voice calm.

"I miss you," I said, hearing the whimpering in my voice.

He sighed and although I was staring at the button I was fiddling with, I was fairly sure he rolled his eyes. "Dan, don't do this now," he said, sounding frustrated. This wasn't going how I'd hoped.

I looked up and met his eyes. I could feel tears filling mine and I willed myself not to cry in front of him. "Phil...I l-love you." I could hear the stuttering beginning as my voice cracked, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

He looked at me, almost with pity, before reaching forward and wiping away my tears.

"You need to stop loving me," he said. I bit my lip and looked down, feeling more tears spilling over as his hand rested on my face, stroking my cheek gently. It felt so nice just to have him touch me again, it just made me more upset.

"P-Phil, p-p-please," I cried, trying to control the tears. "I n-need to b-b-be w-with you."

He shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, Dan. You know we can't be together."

He stood up, yanking his hand away from my face, as I broke down, watching him grab his laptop and walk into his room.

I brought my knees to my face and buried my head, sobbing profusely and not wanting to look up ever again.

All I'd see was an empty room, no one sitting on the sofa with me, no arms comforting me the way they had for three years.

I didn't want to look up to that. But I did. I always do.

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