Cold | Lashton.

-13-

Luke's POV

Ash and I spent quite a while looking through his wardrobe - longer than I intended - and we had a little bit of a fashion show. We both picked out some outfits, laying them out on the bed and looking them over before Ash had a lightbulb. He suggested that I try each one on and model for him, and he would judge which was best. I wasn't really sure about it for multiple reasons, but I couldn't argue with Ash. I didn't want to.

We ended up settling on a black shirt with the words 'Lost My Mind' across it, a pair of black jeans with ripped knees and a pair of black canvas shoes, even though Ash told me I looked good in everything which I found hard to believe, but it did make my face turn red. It didn't exactly help when Ashton decided to get changed himself in the same room (although to be fair, it was his bedroom). He did keep slightly covered behind the wardrobe but I couldn't help noticing his muscles when he pulled off his shirt. I already knew he worked out - it wasn't hard to see his muscles even when he wore long sleeves - and now I saw how defined they were. His tan skin looked so soft...

I had to force myself to look away when he took his trousers off, but even though I didn't mean to, I accidentally caught a glimpse of him in his boxers. It was only quick and even though I didn't see too much, I saw enough. After a couple of minutes of standing around awkwardly trying to keep my eyes to myself, I looked up to see Ashton standing in front of me wearing a maroon and black loose vest, black jeans and lace up ankle boots. His muscles were still showing and his hair was rustled but neat... he looked great.

Ashton turned to me and looked me up and down, then bit his lip. "You need a little something..." He moved to the edge of his bed and rooted around in a box until he pulled something out and held it up. It was a maroon snapback. He came back over to me and placed it securely on my head, paused for a moment then turned it around so it was backwards. "There, you look great." I felt my face flush red again as he smiled proudly.

Impulsively, I walked to stand in front of the mirror and stared at myself. I was shocked by how I looked; I actually looked cool. I was used to wearing torn up shirts and jeans covered in shit, and my hair hadn't been washed in so long I was sure it could stand up on its own. Now I was dressed in fresh clothes with clean hair and a clean body, and I finally looked nice for the first time since I was nine. That's eight years.

"Are you ready to go?" His voice made me jump a little as it brought me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"To go shopping." He glanced up and down and smiled. "You certainly look ready."

Instinctively, I scratched the back of my head and looked down. "Oh er, y-yeah." I'd never acted so nervously in my life. Living out on the streets had forced me to be confident, or at least act like I was, but now I was blushing and scratching my head and looking down at my feet. What was happening?

Ash led me out of his room, through the hallway and out the front door to the halls of the apartment building. I'd actually forgotten he lived in an apartment building since I'd been inside most of the time, and even on the way here the day he found me I was too focused on other things to notice any of that. I followed him down a couple of flights of stairs to the door that led to the outside world. It was strange being outside again, looking like I did and feeling like I did. At this point in the day I would expect to be wishing for food as I watched people go in and out of shops and trying to keep an eye out for anyone who might try and throw me off whatever doorstep I was on. It felt weird but it felt... good.

When I came back out of my own thoughts again, Ashton was standing by a car holding the passenger door open. He only needed to nod for me to get in and I did. As I got comfortable he shut the door then came around to the driver's side and hopped in beside me. Within seconds he'd started the car up and put his seatbelt on, and I fumbled with mine as he began to back out of his parking spot.

We drove in silence for a few minutes before Ashton asked, "Do you want the radio on?" I didn't really care, but I nodded anyways.

Ash flipped through a few stations then settled on one and turned the volume up a bit. I didn't know the band or the name of the song, but I didn't bother thinking about either of those things.

One line in and I became completely focused on the words, tuning everything else out.

'They would yell, they would scream, they were fighting it out
She would hope, she would pray, she was waiting it out
Holding on to a dream
While she watches these walls fall down
Sharp words like knives, they were cutting her down
Shattered glass like the past, it's a memory now
Holding on to a dream
While she watches these walls fall down.'

I stared out the window as I listened, soon becoming quite emotional. The memories were coming back and flashing in front of my eyes.

'Wrote it down on the walls, she was screaming it out
Made it clear, she's still here, are you listening now?
Just a ghost in the halls
Feeling empty, they're vacant now
All the battles, all the wars, all the times that you've fought
She's a scar, she's the bruises, she's the pain that you brought
There was life, there was love
Like a light and it's fading out.'

Tears were welling up in my eyes and when I tried to blink them away they just fell down my cheeks. My vision became blurry but it didn't stop me from seeing everything that I didn't want to.

'You've gotta let it go, you're losing all your hope
Nothing left to hold, locked out in the cold
You painted memories then washed out all the scenes
I'm stuck in between a nightmare and lost dreams.'

I tried desperately to stop myself from breaking down into sobs; I didn't want Ashton to know I was crying. It would seem pointless... he wouldn't understand.

'Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Who's right, who's wrong
Who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
This broken home.'

The music faded out and I took some deep breaths to try and compose myself. My chest felt tight and my eyes were still filled with tears, but when I saw that we were approaching a shopping centre I quickly wiped my eyes and breathed as much as I could. I couldn't let him see.

I'd had my eyes closed for a moment - which didn't seem that long - and when I opened them I saw Ash was pulling into a parking spot. I could see myself in the wing mirror and I looked like a mess. He was going to know something was up within seconds of looking at me. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want questions.

"Are you okay?" I jumped again a turned to my right to see Ash looking right at me, eyes full of concern.

I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Er, yeah. I... I'm fine." Ashton paused himself, looking at me with an expression of uncertainty and disbelief. "Can we get out?"

"Yeah... yeah, come on, let's get inside."

I forced a smile, appreciative that he didn't ask any more questions. I didn't want to worry him, but I didn't want to tell him. I'm a kid who's lived out on the streets for many years and the years before that, when I lived in a house, I might as well have been on the streets. Of course I have baggage. I have problems. I'm sorry but... what was he expecting?

I don't want to be a burden.