Don't make me go

Three: special on a drunken night

It had been one month exactly. One month since Connor had started school. One month since he'd met Oliver. 30 days of shaking hands and brave words to protect the boy, 30 days of panic attacks and hiding his fears from the boy as well. The first day was now behind them and Charlie had been laying off the past few days, Oliver had also seemed upset.
The two boys sat in Oliver's bedroom where they studied for an upcoming chemistry test.
"Hey, Connor?" Connor looked up from his book.
"Yeah?" He replied.
"Laurel just texted me, she invited us to come along with her, Ash, and Machayla to a university party tonight. Wanna go?" The names Oliver mentioned were remotely familiar but Connor wasn't really friends with anyone. Unless he counted Oliver, of course.
"I.. Uh, yeah. Sure." Oliver smiled a little and it shone in his eyes, he'd been hoping that he'd say yes. Connor had never been to a party before. He wondered what it would be like.
***
"It's so loud!" Oliver said with his hands over his ears, laughing. They'd left the bonfire a few minutes before and headed to a house a few streets over. They'd met two people named Wes and Rebecca at the party and Ash, Mach, and Laurel had gone off with them somewhere, leaving Connor and Oliver alone in a sea of people.
"Y-you should come dance with me!" Oliver begged, holding the sides of Connors shirt collar tight. He'd been drinking since they gotten to the house and hadn't stopped since.
"I-I don't think that's a good idea!" Connor shouted over the music. They stood by a kitchen and the amount of people moving around them was making Connor anxious. He'd known this wasn't a good idea.
"PlLeassSe!" Oliver smiled and Connor noticed that without his glasses on he looked almost like a different person. Maybe it was the drinking.
"I.." Oliver pulled him away from the kitchen and into the living area turned dance floor. Connor could feel the music inside of him the way he'd felt nothing before, it was like he felt nothing else yet he was feeling everything all at once. Oliver held two cups that he'd gotten seemingly from nowhere and handed them to Connor.
"Drink. You NneedD t-to learn to have FuN!" He said, moving closer. People were so close to Connor. There was no space, no air. The space was going to crush him, everything was going to crush him. He was going to die. So, he drank.
He drank and drank. The music felt louder and everything was funny, this was the best night of his life. Oliver smiled and laughed and danced and brought him more drinks.
"Nah.. I-I'm okay now.." He said, smirking at Oliver. He liked the way his eyes were shaped and how tall he was.. He liked that he was smiling back at him. He liked Oliver.
For the first time since Connor could remember he wasn't afraid, he felt alive. He danced and didn't remember ever being taught how, he didn't need to be taught. Oliver kept putting his hands on Connor anywhere that he could. His arms, middle, neck, hands.. Connor liked it. He realized that he wanted to do that too. He wanted to touch Oliver too. So he did. He never did anything he wanted to do. It was fun. He started with his arms when Oliver laughed. As they danced they moved to the boys middle and they were closer. The boy looked up at him with questioning eyes and a wide smile.
"I have no idea what I'm doing." Connor said as he laughed harder than he had before. The sound made Oliver smile and he stared longing at Connor. He couldn't have meant anything when he touched his middle like that could he? In that moment he couldn't tell if he hoped so or not.
Wes had become their designated driver over the course of the night so he drove them all home, dropping Connor and Oliver off first.
"Ssh we have to be quiet." Oliver attempted to whisper but they laughed. They made it up to Oliver's bedroom safe and sound and it was hard not to fall asleep right then.
"I'll sleep... On the floor." Connor said as he heard Oliver coming back from the bathroom.
"You don't have to do that." Oliver said in an almost small voice from behind him. He had his hands on Connors arms and rubbed them slightly. Connor turned, surprised, and took his jacket off, throwing it onto the chair behind him.
"Where'll I sleep then?" He asked, confused. Oliver smiled childishly and moved closer, so close that their noses were almost touching.
"In my bed with me, silly." Oliver said, Connors face dropped. He was confused.. Oliver didn't mean it in that way.. He didn't mean it in any sort of way. Connor turned away, taking a step or two and running a hand through his dark hair.
"Nah.. No, I couldn't do that..." He said, his voice sounding a bit serious. Oliver walked up behind him again, touching his hands to his waist and making him tense.
"C'mon.. You've been a good boy for so long, Connor.. Don't you just wanna do something bad?" Connor turned around and grabbed Oliver's face, pressing their lips together. He let go after a moment, after he felt Oliver relax.
"Something like that?" Connor said with a smirk, his fears flushed from his body by alcohol. Oliver's response was another kiss, and another, and another. Connor hadn't done anything like this in a long time so when he felt his fingers touch the skin beneath Oliver's shirt he was surprised at the urge to take it off of the boy. He couldn't do that.. Could he? He kissed Oliver harder. They pulled away and their was a feeling in Connors stomach that made him feel like he was on a roller coaster, he felt alive.
"For the boy who's afraid of everything you're brave for me." Oliver whispered.
"You make me brave." Connor replied, smiling wildly. Oliver's hands rested firmly on Connors hips as he kissed the boys neck a few times. He needed this. This was good for him, good for Connor too. They both needed this, he told himself. He tried not to feel guilty so he kissed Connor some more. The boy melted with Oliver's kisses and when he opened his eyes he was laying on Oliver's bed, Oliver on top of him. Connor held onto Oliver's waist with hesitant hands as the the boy kissed his jaw once and then his lips. This was all so new.. He wasn't so sure.. If he was sure.
"I don't want to go too fast." Connor said as he looked Oliver in the eyes.
"Can I still kiss you?" Oliver asked. Connor laughed and covered his eyes with his arm. Oliver realized that they were both happy.. He was happy with Connor, his best friend. Maybe he'd have to make a few changes, changes that he wouldn't feel guilty for.
Oliver moved Connors arm away from his eyes and above his head, kissing him once on nose. Connor had tears in his eyes.
"Why're you crying?" Oliver asked, Connor laughed a little.
"I'm so tired of not trusting people.. I'm so tired of being afraid.." He cried.
"Hey.. Hey, it's alright. It's okay." Oliver kissed his cheeks and his forehead and his nose before finally kissing his lips.
"I've got you," Connor's eyes went wide,
"You can trust me.. I've got you, Connor." A tear fell down his cheek and Oliver wiped it away.
"I.. I believe you.." Connor replied quietly. They kissed one more time and laid there for what felt like forever. It was a odd occurrence, that night. They fell asleep with each other in their arms but something in both of them still felt empty, unfulfilled. Maybe it was the fact that they knew they couldn't wake up and live life this way, this was them. Connor knew this wasn't him.. Still, he did believe Oliver and that was more than he'd done in a very long time. The fact that Oliver could do that for him gave him hope for them. Maybe they could be something.. Maybe when they woke up he wouldn't be afraid of that anymore.